Sing me sweet lullaby's in a war zone in which Zionists frame the jealous for Palestinian deaths.
Rock the small me in a cradle next to a copy of Anne of Old Green Gables as we live old Greek fables in Athenia.
Purchase me from a Chinese convenience outlet in Beijing-like Downtown San Diego; let me go when no longer I am of any real service.
Think of me when you're swimming in a sea of sound in an HMV; music makes you free, or freer than the freest philosopher, who can't find it within himself to have a voice.
Murder me in my sleep, so my dreams, I can still keep, and all the benefits of my imagination I may reap with guiltless greed.
Call me Candy; Randy the handy man with the hand grenade he made to raid Obama.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Chapter 2
I wanted something, and I didn't know what, so I fought and I kicked and I struggled. I struggled to the point that my brain became an illusive mess of elastics wrapped around my past, present, and future, tugging to the point that one of the 3 would have to give, followed by another, leaving the final elastic to lead me forward, backwards, or nowhere at all.
The first to give was the past, which vaulted into my unprotected and unexpecting face like a misfired slingshot, lancing the top layer of my cheek a vague red which felt slightly raw and pulsed every time I ran my hand over its now microscopically uneven surface. The next to give, to my shock and surprise, was the present, despite the very real fact that the elastic attaching me to my future had been stretched to the point that only a thin fray now held it in place, and even that connection seemed to be rapidly deteriorating. In fact, the band tethering me to my present had appeared quite loose the last I had checked, peering over only once during my doomed balancing act, in which I wasn't sure whether any of them were meant to break at all.
The past and present now detached, and my face still experiencing slight spasms of pain, I looked backwards one final time and saw a major player of the past 8 months, having removed themselves in the present, and as such, seemingly in the future as well, glancing back at me on her way towards her future, with a longing stare which stopped me for a moment as I stared back.
Fixated on her face, I saw the feigned smiles meld into the real ones, and the expressions of annoyance fade into the expressions of complete and unrequited anger to the point that it was all too hard to tell which was which. Part of me burned with hate and mercilessness for her, recalling the heart-break, humiliation, and pain she had caused me, while another part tingled with a mix of empathy and forgiveness, knowing she, too, had been and still was going through trial and tribulation of a similar nature, if not worse.
Regardless of what I felt towards her, I missed her. We had been best friends, and I had made a series of painful mistakes which compounded themselves below the painful mistakes made on her part. Feeling her close to me, physically, in any environment, always made me wonder if she felt the same pangs of sorrow I did from time to time, or if she ever felt fond nostalgia over what we had created together, yet had not the resources to maintain within both our hearts and our minds simultaneously.
I nodded at her and began to tilt my head, and as I was doing so I heard her whisper: "I'm not gone. Our paths will cross again, and they will cross for the better. Trust me." Although I registered what she had to say, I didn't bother with a response as I began moving forward, allowing the elastic band attaching me to my future to become progressively looser and looser... yet I hadn't taken 2 steps more before I heard her utter one last provocative ensemble of words: "Everything... absolutely everything... happens for a reason."
I simply allowed my strides to continue, unabridged.
I'm close now to the first finish line in my life; closer to my future than I've ever been before, yet that can be said with every passing day, hour, minute, and second, I suppose. It just feels more tangible then it ever has before. It feels so real.
No longer is it an abstract 'someday.' It's now a very real 'then,' with a date, and a time, and a cause and effect. Or perhaps a lack thereof.
But I've still got a path to endure, and the final moments of an adventure to live out before the next chapter begins.
So here we go;
Brace yourselves for Chapter 2.
The first to give was the past, which vaulted into my unprotected and unexpecting face like a misfired slingshot, lancing the top layer of my cheek a vague red which felt slightly raw and pulsed every time I ran my hand over its now microscopically uneven surface. The next to give, to my shock and surprise, was the present, despite the very real fact that the elastic attaching me to my future had been stretched to the point that only a thin fray now held it in place, and even that connection seemed to be rapidly deteriorating. In fact, the band tethering me to my present had appeared quite loose the last I had checked, peering over only once during my doomed balancing act, in which I wasn't sure whether any of them were meant to break at all.
The past and present now detached, and my face still experiencing slight spasms of pain, I looked backwards one final time and saw a major player of the past 8 months, having removed themselves in the present, and as such, seemingly in the future as well, glancing back at me on her way towards her future, with a longing stare which stopped me for a moment as I stared back.
Fixated on her face, I saw the feigned smiles meld into the real ones, and the expressions of annoyance fade into the expressions of complete and unrequited anger to the point that it was all too hard to tell which was which. Part of me burned with hate and mercilessness for her, recalling the heart-break, humiliation, and pain she had caused me, while another part tingled with a mix of empathy and forgiveness, knowing she, too, had been and still was going through trial and tribulation of a similar nature, if not worse.
Regardless of what I felt towards her, I missed her. We had been best friends, and I had made a series of painful mistakes which compounded themselves below the painful mistakes made on her part. Feeling her close to me, physically, in any environment, always made me wonder if she felt the same pangs of sorrow I did from time to time, or if she ever felt fond nostalgia over what we had created together, yet had not the resources to maintain within both our hearts and our minds simultaneously.
I nodded at her and began to tilt my head, and as I was doing so I heard her whisper: "I'm not gone. Our paths will cross again, and they will cross for the better. Trust me." Although I registered what she had to say, I didn't bother with a response as I began moving forward, allowing the elastic band attaching me to my future to become progressively looser and looser... yet I hadn't taken 2 steps more before I heard her utter one last provocative ensemble of words: "Everything... absolutely everything... happens for a reason."
I simply allowed my strides to continue, unabridged.
I'm close now to the first finish line in my life; closer to my future than I've ever been before, yet that can be said with every passing day, hour, minute, and second, I suppose. It just feels more tangible then it ever has before. It feels so real.
No longer is it an abstract 'someday.' It's now a very real 'then,' with a date, and a time, and a cause and effect. Or perhaps a lack thereof.
But I've still got a path to endure, and the final moments of an adventure to live out before the next chapter begins.
So here we go;
Brace yourselves for Chapter 2.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
There's a problem with society when...
... "you girls should make him work for it," yet don't work for him yourself.
... we need pills to fall asleep, we need pills to be happy, and we need pills to assist our digestive systems. Even if you require none of the above, the fact that they are available says something about our weaknesses.
... we play life like a game of Monopoly, looking to acquire the whole board and avoid jail-time, only to realize that, in the very end, everything has to go back in the box; back to being meaningless inanimate objects until the next player sits down to the board and looks to win by full acquisition, only to end up following the pattern and putting it all back in the box once they are done with it.
... people care more for how they look than they do about the people in their lives.
... we are incredibly protective of our material possessions, yet more than willing to remove 'undesirables' from our lives without a second thought.
... what we have is never enough.
... we go on shopping sprees just for the fun of it, yet neglect to realize that every purchase is like pulling a trigger to assist the gears of a destructive cycle which creates vast amounts of waste so we can purchase useless clothing articles, pieces of plastic, virtual worlds, or candy.
... we waste our time watching hours upon hours of anime, cartoons, sitcoms, dramas, or movies simply because we enjoy such vegetative states; it either says something ill of the individual, or it says something ill of society if people feel compelled to waste their finite time on the planet like so.
... there is such a thing as 'planned obsolescence,' in which products are designed to break so company's can profit from our buying replacements or upgrades.
... things cost astronomically more to buy than they do to make.
... things cost astronomically less to buy than they do to make.
... we'd prefer to be ignorant.
... we need pills to fall asleep, we need pills to be happy, and we need pills to assist our digestive systems. Even if you require none of the above, the fact that they are available says something about our weaknesses.
... we play life like a game of Monopoly, looking to acquire the whole board and avoid jail-time, only to realize that, in the very end, everything has to go back in the box; back to being meaningless inanimate objects until the next player sits down to the board and looks to win by full acquisition, only to end up following the pattern and putting it all back in the box once they are done with it.
... people care more for how they look than they do about the people in their lives.
... we are incredibly protective of our material possessions, yet more than willing to remove 'undesirables' from our lives without a second thought.
... what we have is never enough.
... we go on shopping sprees just for the fun of it, yet neglect to realize that every purchase is like pulling a trigger to assist the gears of a destructive cycle which creates vast amounts of waste so we can purchase useless clothing articles, pieces of plastic, virtual worlds, or candy.
... we waste our time watching hours upon hours of anime, cartoons, sitcoms, dramas, or movies simply because we enjoy such vegetative states; it either says something ill of the individual, or it says something ill of society if people feel compelled to waste their finite time on the planet like so.
... there is such a thing as 'planned obsolescence,' in which products are designed to break so company's can profit from our buying replacements or upgrades.
... things cost astronomically more to buy than they do to make.
... things cost astronomically less to buy than they do to make.
... we'd prefer to be ignorant.
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Moment, or, Go Do.
Where was I, when you were alive?
Was I sleeping, dreaming, kicking, screaming,
Staring in wonder at the bright stars a-gleaming?
Where was I when you were crying?
Was I thinking of life after dying,
Seeing as it was, or blind and sighing,
Where was I when you were crying?
When you were born, what was I doing?
Was I speaking, walking, peeking, stalking,
Dancing, singing, laughing, mingling,
Looking, lying, toking, trying?
Where was I when you were on the beach,
Staring out towards the sea?
Perhaps I was taking a pee,
Or sipping my hot cup of tea?
Where was I when you were sleeping?
Perhaps I was in mid-air, leaping,
Or watching as MTV was bleeping swearwords.
Where was I when you fell ill?
Was I parked up on a hill,
Waiting for life to arrive
With a plan it did contrive?
When you were driving,
Or tidying,
Perhaps on a snowboard somewhere, sliding,
Was I alone at home and hiding?
Or on the bike somewhere, and riding?
Maybe I was wide-awake,
Or laughing with my friends, while baked,
Or greasing a pan to bake a cake,
Contemplating what makes a lake.
Or perhaps I was asleep and dreaming,
and lost in my subconscious readings,
With avatars of all my friends,
Buying a Mercedes Benz.
Where was I when you were wasted?
Was I laughing at old hatreds,
Staring at a crawling aphid,
Or in the shower, and stark naked?
Where were you while I was thinking?
Perhaps you were awake and blinking,
All the sleep out of your eyes,
After dreaming of cute Albanian guys?
Where is everyone this second?
I mean, this specific second,
As I write or read this poem,
Perform it for a crowd so wholesome,
Where am I as you read this?
Up on a stage and fighting fears false lisp,
To make sure all of these words are crisp,
Or eating bread with ham and swiss?
Are you dead, or are you living?
A minion to society's bidding,
Or policing streets and finally ridding
Pavement of the hobos twitching out of crystal meth?
Perhaps you're firing a gun,
Or you've found the only 'one,'
To love through thick and thin, till death;
Or thinking, "Wow, poor old MacBeth."
In this moment, is it all;
So listen to the moments call,
And cancel all your texting plans,
And use those thumbs to grasp the hand,
Of a loved one next to you;
"The day before" was never true,
So there's no better time for you,
To look for some more love to brew.
So get up, and go do.
Go do it.
Was I sleeping, dreaming, kicking, screaming,
Staring in wonder at the bright stars a-gleaming?
Where was I when you were crying?
Was I thinking of life after dying,
Seeing as it was, or blind and sighing,
Where was I when you were crying?
When you were born, what was I doing?
Was I speaking, walking, peeking, stalking,
Dancing, singing, laughing, mingling,
Looking, lying, toking, trying?
Where was I when you were on the beach,
Staring out towards the sea?
Perhaps I was taking a pee,
Or sipping my hot cup of tea?
Where was I when you were sleeping?
Perhaps I was in mid-air, leaping,
Or watching as MTV was bleeping swearwords.
Where was I when you fell ill?
Was I parked up on a hill,
Waiting for life to arrive
With a plan it did contrive?
When you were driving,
Or tidying,
Perhaps on a snowboard somewhere, sliding,
Was I alone at home and hiding?
Or on the bike somewhere, and riding?
Maybe I was wide-awake,
Or laughing with my friends, while baked,
Or greasing a pan to bake a cake,
Contemplating what makes a lake.
Or perhaps I was asleep and dreaming,
and lost in my subconscious readings,
With avatars of all my friends,
Buying a Mercedes Benz.
Where was I when you were wasted?
Was I laughing at old hatreds,
Staring at a crawling aphid,
Or in the shower, and stark naked?
Where were you while I was thinking?
Perhaps you were awake and blinking,
All the sleep out of your eyes,
After dreaming of cute Albanian guys?
Where is everyone this second?
I mean, this specific second,
As I write or read this poem,
Perform it for a crowd so wholesome,
Where am I as you read this?
Up on a stage and fighting fears false lisp,
To make sure all of these words are crisp,
Or eating bread with ham and swiss?
Are you dead, or are you living?
A minion to society's bidding,
Or policing streets and finally ridding
Pavement of the hobos twitching out of crystal meth?
Perhaps you're firing a gun,
Or you've found the only 'one,'
To love through thick and thin, till death;
Or thinking, "Wow, poor old MacBeth."
In this moment, is it all;
So listen to the moments call,
And cancel all your texting plans,
And use those thumbs to grasp the hand,
Of a loved one next to you;
"The day before" was never true,
So there's no better time for you,
To look for some more love to brew.
So get up, and go do.
Go do it.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
The Pale Blue Dot.
Our everything is virtually nothing to the real everything; but it is something. Something very small... beyond even incredibly small. In comparison to an individual atoms significance to your physical make-up, our planet alone is one of the atoms within the atoms atoms atom. Invisible and insignificant; the universe would continue quite indifferently were we to disappear.
Sleep Deprived in the Midst of the Western World.
Have you ever been exhausted? I mean, truly exhausted. Exhausted to the point that your eyes blur, so you blink, yet like a windshield during a rainstorm they blur again and again and again, so you continue to blink to clear your vision, make the blotches of color crisp and visible shapes of reality, and not simply a series of pixels interpreted by your brain.
I'm talking the exhaustion where you notice things like the grayer spots on poles, or the blotchy metal blob that seems to get more glare than it gives, in contrast to the rest of the pole, that seems to give more glare than it gets.
I'm talking the exhaustion where your dreams become a part of reality, yet not in the sense that they are fulfilled; more in the sense that your chasing them becomes more of a frustration as they both physically and mentally manifest themselves into your waking life. An exhaustion that requires coffee and caffeine, yet eventually the effects of both become blunted to the point that you feel like passing out regardless of your feeling of superficial awareness.
The exhaustion where a road ahead seems like it will stretch into eternity, yet at the same time, you will be safe, silent, and sleeping in your destination before you even know what happened.
An exhaustion within which all is feasible, yet seems improbably possible.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
I wanted to put this as my Facebook status, but it didn't seem all that appropriate, I guess. I'm not sure why it didn't. It just didn't.
I realized something today.
Behind every 'player,' wannabe-player, boy who is now reluctant to seek out love and instead wishes to indulge in friends-with-benefits, or man who has put-up emotional defenses and taught himself to look no further than sex or sexual encounters, there is a woman who broke his heart.
This doesn't apply to me so much as it does to some people I know, and looking back, I realize there really was a woman (or, at this age, a 'girl' might seem like a more appropriate title) that broke their heart.
I know that after my most recent thing with a girl, I am not looking to love anyone for awhile, and am very much content in being single for the time being. Although, if a shot at a relationship does appear, I think I'll make an attempt at friends-with-benefits. If it goes further then that with the individual, well then... we'll see. Unlike the mentality presented by 'ladies men,' or wannabe ladies men, I have not lost my faith in a love that will one day come and will not end in a broken heart (save for maybe natural causes resulting from the human condition on this planet earth; in other words, death).
I also do not plan on getting divorced. If I go into a serious relationship where my gut tells me it will only end in divorce, I will refuse to marry them, and I will end it. When I find a serious relationship in which I feel, whether a delusion or not, that it wouldn't end in divorce, I might consider marriage... but more likely, I may prefer simply a perpetual common-law relationship, unless marriage really holds a huge symbolic importance to them. All I know is that I'm at the point at which I won't settle for anything but the best (the best, to me, being someone who will exhaust all avenues before even considering ending it, as well as a few other essential features regarding general compatibility and whatnot), and I realize now that all of my past girlfriends were nowhere near the best. Nowhere near. But then again, who really is at this age? I seem to be the only one I know that takes the 'exhaust all avenues before you end it' philosophy seriously.
Maybe I'll put that philosophy on-hold until I'm 25, unless I find the absolute girl of my dreams.
Behind every 'player,' wannabe-player, boy who is now reluctant to seek out love and instead wishes to indulge in friends-with-benefits, or man who has put-up emotional defenses and taught himself to look no further than sex or sexual encounters, there is a woman who broke his heart.
This doesn't apply to me so much as it does to some people I know, and looking back, I realize there really was a woman (or, at this age, a 'girl' might seem like a more appropriate title) that broke their heart.
I know that after my most recent thing with a girl, I am not looking to love anyone for awhile, and am very much content in being single for the time being. Although, if a shot at a relationship does appear, I think I'll make an attempt at friends-with-benefits. If it goes further then that with the individual, well then... we'll see. Unlike the mentality presented by 'ladies men,' or wannabe ladies men, I have not lost my faith in a love that will one day come and will not end in a broken heart (save for maybe natural causes resulting from the human condition on this planet earth; in other words, death).
I also do not plan on getting divorced. If I go into a serious relationship where my gut tells me it will only end in divorce, I will refuse to marry them, and I will end it. When I find a serious relationship in which I feel, whether a delusion or not, that it wouldn't end in divorce, I might consider marriage... but more likely, I may prefer simply a perpetual common-law relationship, unless marriage really holds a huge symbolic importance to them. All I know is that I'm at the point at which I won't settle for anything but the best (the best, to me, being someone who will exhaust all avenues before even considering ending it, as well as a few other essential features regarding general compatibility and whatnot), and I realize now that all of my past girlfriends were nowhere near the best. Nowhere near. But then again, who really is at this age? I seem to be the only one I know that takes the 'exhaust all avenues before you end it' philosophy seriously.
Maybe I'll put that philosophy on-hold until I'm 25, unless I find the absolute girl of my dreams.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
In Love with the Nothing that is Everything
What is a fear of death beyond ones fear of whence they came? You are not alive, if you were not dead prior. Our confusion and misconceptions are signs of something unsightly within society; an idea of cause and effect. There is no cause, and there is no effect, at least not beyond the erect conclusions of the human mind, which is, in effect, all delusion. We're neither fools or saints, and it doesn't matter what you wear, where you're from, of what you believe in. We are all one in substance and one with the true and natural matter of the universe, when we're nude. Also, trust me. Being nude is only rude because our crude minds have altered the context of sex and what's beautiful. Disgust or attraction from ones naked body is a sign of our losing touch with reality. Do you prefer the looks of one tree to another? If not, should you care if whose nude is your girlfriend, your mom, or your brother?
This doesn't mean you should be sexually attracted to the latter, and not to the former... but one must understand the difference between nudeness and porno, because sex is beautiful, at least when it's normal, and raw.
Sex is no sin, and nudeness no vice; sexists don't win, and nudists don't fight.
So pass me your bullets, artificial like clothing; put down your guns, a production of loathing.
Insecurity flourishes in Converse and cars, in defining whats right to Prime Ministers and Tsars,
So lift up your fists and break all of your fingers; allow all the pain inside your hands to linger,
Make doubly sure your trigger finger can't fire, otherwise that same finger may make a peace lover a liar.
Are we all higher than the primal sweat we perspire?
Yes; when we find it in our hearts to inspire, and not expire the souls of ourselves and of others;
To realize we are all but sisters and brothers,
Living as lovers,
In love.
This doesn't mean you should be sexually attracted to the latter, and not to the former... but one must understand the difference between nudeness and porno, because sex is beautiful, at least when it's normal, and raw.
Sex is no sin, and nudeness no vice; sexists don't win, and nudists don't fight.
So pass me your bullets, artificial like clothing; put down your guns, a production of loathing.
Insecurity flourishes in Converse and cars, in defining whats right to Prime Ministers and Tsars,
So lift up your fists and break all of your fingers; allow all the pain inside your hands to linger,
Make doubly sure your trigger finger can't fire, otherwise that same finger may make a peace lover a liar.
Are we all higher than the primal sweat we perspire?
Yes; when we find it in our hearts to inspire, and not expire the souls of ourselves and of others;
To realize we are all but sisters and brothers,
Living as lovers,
In love.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Some of my Favorite Quotations Ever.
"The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity."
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."
"The problem with close-minded people is that they usually have their mouths open."
"A really great talent finds its happiness in execution."
"Violence is the question."
"You are your guiding authority; not your parents, not your principal, not your teacher, not your prime minister, not your siblings, not your boss, not your president, not your God, not your universe. You, and only you, are in charge of who you are, and who you become."
"Be curious, not judgmental."
"Life is meaningless: there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose.
All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well.
Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself.
Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it.
Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself".
Do not give in to hope.
Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it.
Whatever you do, do it for its own sake.
When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!".
Remember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own.
Live deliberately. You are free."
"I fall into every mold, yet no mold. As I live this moment, is as I live life. There is but the present. The past is but fact of what has already passed; the future is nothing but an empty page ready to be defined; a hot mold ready to be hammered at the whim of the artist or creator."
"There are people whom one loves immediately and forever. Even to know they are alive in the world with one is quite enough."
"Careful when you date passionate people, because passion swings both ways. Sometimes they'll love you, but other times they'll hate you. And when they hate you... boy, do they hate you."
“Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal.”
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
"The only thing evil needs to succeed is for good men to do nothing."
"Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination."
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
“Trust that little voice in your head that says "Wouldn't it be interesting if.."; And then do it."
"Nature is cruel, that does not mean we have to be."
"The love of democracy is that of equality."
"Love is not a predetermined set of principles or ideals; it's whatever the hell you want it to be."
"A true existentialist lives in eternal intrigue."
"There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause."
"Humans, he realized, spent too much time justifying both life and death, and in doing so, forgot the value of being something in a universe full of nothing but everything."
"To the human mind, anything and everything existed only so long as it was occurring, as well as being observed. This led to an inevitable question for Herman; when you died, was it you that ended? Or the universe?"
"Darkness was the base-point of all that was perceivable within the natural universe. Like an island, light stood as a recurring phenomenon within an endless ocean of black space, just as it was now, with the streetlights acting as the natural defiant against the overwhelming odds of the all-enveloping shadow of reality."
"The only thing worth globalising is dissent."
"1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6 billion people, and I had the incredible privilege of meeting you."
"The human mind is a delusion generator."
"I belong to no single nation-state. I am a citizen of the world."
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."
"The problem with close-minded people is that they usually have their mouths open."
"A really great talent finds its happiness in execution."
"Violence is the question."
"You are your guiding authority; not your parents, not your principal, not your teacher, not your prime minister, not your siblings, not your boss, not your president, not your God, not your universe. You, and only you, are in charge of who you are, and who you become."
"Be curious, not judgmental."
"Life is meaningless: there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose.
All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well.
Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself.
Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it.
Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself".
Do not give in to hope.
Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it.
Whatever you do, do it for its own sake.
When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!".
Remember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own.
Live deliberately. You are free."
"I fall into every mold, yet no mold. As I live this moment, is as I live life. There is but the present. The past is but fact of what has already passed; the future is nothing but an empty page ready to be defined; a hot mold ready to be hammered at the whim of the artist or creator."
"There are people whom one loves immediately and forever. Even to know they are alive in the world with one is quite enough."
"Careful when you date passionate people, because passion swings both ways. Sometimes they'll love you, but other times they'll hate you. And when they hate you... boy, do they hate you."
“Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal.”
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
"The only thing evil needs to succeed is for good men to do nothing."
"Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination."
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
“Trust that little voice in your head that says "Wouldn't it be interesting if.."; And then do it."
"Nature is cruel, that does not mean we have to be."
"The love of democracy is that of equality."
"Love is not a predetermined set of principles or ideals; it's whatever the hell you want it to be."
"A true existentialist lives in eternal intrigue."
"There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause."
"Humans, he realized, spent too much time justifying both life and death, and in doing so, forgot the value of being something in a universe full of nothing but everything."
"To the human mind, anything and everything existed only so long as it was occurring, as well as being observed. This led to an inevitable question for Herman; when you died, was it you that ended? Or the universe?"
"Darkness was the base-point of all that was perceivable within the natural universe. Like an island, light stood as a recurring phenomenon within an endless ocean of black space, just as it was now, with the streetlights acting as the natural defiant against the overwhelming odds of the all-enveloping shadow of reality."
"The only thing worth globalising is dissent."
"1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 809 islands, 7 seas, 6 billion people, and I had the incredible privilege of meeting you."
"The human mind is a delusion generator."
"I belong to no single nation-state. I am a citizen of the world."
Monday, April 11, 2011
The Emotional Economy: A Theory of Social Health and Dynamics
You give, you get. It's as simple as that.
Social interaction is a lot like our world economy; like an investor, you must take the risk of giving, in order to gain the benefits of getting. The difference is that the trade isn't with money... it is with happiness.
It would seem that the biggest and riskiest investment in the world of social affairs would be romantic encounters; and a successful romance really does take two, otherwise the whole emotional economy collapses in on itself, and a depression of some sort usually ensues, whether the relationship has officially come to an end or not.
For the emotional economy in a romantic relationship to be totally successful, the individual must look out for their own general satisfaction (as in, being treated fairly, not abused, etc.), while working (within the relationship) solely for the happiness of their partner. Now, like capitalism, this system can get truly fucked up by the mistakes of one or both of the 'investors,' and as such, this system tends to get a bad wrap from unhappy people who have been dumped, and have fallen in to some sort of depression as a result of the economy's collapse. For the economy to be truly successful, both lovers must become roughly 85% selfless regarding the relationship, and it must work vice versa as well; both partners should be looking out for their general satisfaction, not a selfish satisfaction... and should be working solely towards the happiness of their partner, trusting their partner to do the same thing, creating, in a sense, an ideal socialist system in which both participants are happy as a result of the efforts of their partner.
I say 85% selfless because, even when in an incredibly close and happy relationship, each partner is still an individual with individual needs and wants, and being selfless also means taking what you want, while being gladly more than willing to give something of greater or equal value in return. It's a cycle of endless rewards that comes with compromise regarding each partners individuality's; a self-reinforcing happiness.
That means, if there's a solo trip to India your partner has been wanting to take all their lives, you support them whole-heartedly in their venture, and do not try to wiggle your way into their individual plans unless they are entirely alright with that. In return, your partner is more than willing to return the favor if you ever decide you'd like to go off on some solo-trip around the world to discover both yourself and the people and places of this planet. Not only is your partner more than willing, they will be excited to hear from you, and ecstatic to hear of your exploits and adventures, despite the fact that it was minus them.
Complete and utter independence from people, places, and things can only result in unhappiness. This does not mean that we should seek to be hopelessly dependent on our partners, friends, or even our family's, but it does mean that the compromise which occurs in between both extremes, known as interdependence, is what leads to truly sustainable happiness without losing our individuality's or general independence. So to find truly compromised and sustainable happiness, one mustn't give-in to being an unconditional part of a collective, nor should they seek to become completely independent of the collective; they should surrender to the idea that they are an individual within a collective, and in working with and for the collective, the collective will inevitably work with and for them. The signs that a system is flawed, whether it's a political ideology or an economic doctrine, is when one side is giving more than the other, and getting less in return. You know your system is flawed if revolutionaries romp around your streets demanding change, and even more-so if they begin to pick-up weapons and shoot at you. It is as such that the emotional economy that exists between two individuals can, does, and must work on the macro-cosmic (as in, societies in relation to other societies, and the individuals and groups within them) scale as well as the microcosmic (individuals in relation to other individuals, as well as groups).
This does not mean that there will not be rough spots regarding the health of said emotional economies, but it does mean that it is more than possible to sustain them and bring them back up to par with where they were to begin with, whether it's through occasional change, or occasional practices in disciplining ones-self towards keeping the economy flowing on your end (especially in romantic relationships, in which one shouldn't be afraid to remind their partner to do the same thing).
Truly sustainable happiness comes from both giving and giving and giving, as well as compromise. An attempt at selfishness may work in the short-term, but in the long-run, it dooms your economy to eventual collapse. Complete and utter selflessness may lead to a general happiness, but at the cost of your individuality and feeling of personal freedom; hence why compromise is the absolute key to personal satisfaction in sustainable happiness.
Social interaction is a lot like our world economy; like an investor, you must take the risk of giving, in order to gain the benefits of getting. The difference is that the trade isn't with money... it is with happiness.
It would seem that the biggest and riskiest investment in the world of social affairs would be romantic encounters; and a successful romance really does take two, otherwise the whole emotional economy collapses in on itself, and a depression of some sort usually ensues, whether the relationship has officially come to an end or not.
For the emotional economy in a romantic relationship to be totally successful, the individual must look out for their own general satisfaction (as in, being treated fairly, not abused, etc.), while working (within the relationship) solely for the happiness of their partner. Now, like capitalism, this system can get truly fucked up by the mistakes of one or both of the 'investors,' and as such, this system tends to get a bad wrap from unhappy people who have been dumped, and have fallen in to some sort of depression as a result of the economy's collapse. For the economy to be truly successful, both lovers must become roughly 85% selfless regarding the relationship, and it must work vice versa as well; both partners should be looking out for their general satisfaction, not a selfish satisfaction... and should be working solely towards the happiness of their partner, trusting their partner to do the same thing, creating, in a sense, an ideal socialist system in which both participants are happy as a result of the efforts of their partner.
I say 85% selfless because, even when in an incredibly close and happy relationship, each partner is still an individual with individual needs and wants, and being selfless also means taking what you want, while being gladly more than willing to give something of greater or equal value in return. It's a cycle of endless rewards that comes with compromise regarding each partners individuality's; a self-reinforcing happiness.
That means, if there's a solo trip to India your partner has been wanting to take all their lives, you support them whole-heartedly in their venture, and do not try to wiggle your way into their individual plans unless they are entirely alright with that. In return, your partner is more than willing to return the favor if you ever decide you'd like to go off on some solo-trip around the world to discover both yourself and the people and places of this planet. Not only is your partner more than willing, they will be excited to hear from you, and ecstatic to hear of your exploits and adventures, despite the fact that it was minus them.
Complete and utter independence from people, places, and things can only result in unhappiness. This does not mean that we should seek to be hopelessly dependent on our partners, friends, or even our family's, but it does mean that the compromise which occurs in between both extremes, known as interdependence, is what leads to truly sustainable happiness without losing our individuality's or general independence. So to find truly compromised and sustainable happiness, one mustn't give-in to being an unconditional part of a collective, nor should they seek to become completely independent of the collective; they should surrender to the idea that they are an individual within a collective, and in working with and for the collective, the collective will inevitably work with and for them. The signs that a system is flawed, whether it's a political ideology or an economic doctrine, is when one side is giving more than the other, and getting less in return. You know your system is flawed if revolutionaries romp around your streets demanding change, and even more-so if they begin to pick-up weapons and shoot at you. It is as such that the emotional economy that exists between two individuals can, does, and must work on the macro-cosmic (as in, societies in relation to other societies, and the individuals and groups within them) scale as well as the microcosmic (individuals in relation to other individuals, as well as groups).
This does not mean that there will not be rough spots regarding the health of said emotional economies, but it does mean that it is more than possible to sustain them and bring them back up to par with where they were to begin with, whether it's through occasional change, or occasional practices in disciplining ones-self towards keeping the economy flowing on your end (especially in romantic relationships, in which one shouldn't be afraid to remind their partner to do the same thing).
Truly sustainable happiness comes from both giving and giving and giving, as well as compromise. An attempt at selfishness may work in the short-term, but in the long-run, it dooms your economy to eventual collapse. Complete and utter selflessness may lead to a general happiness, but at the cost of your individuality and feeling of personal freedom; hence why compromise is the absolute key to personal satisfaction in sustainable happiness.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Martyr Within the Martyr
Am I a rich man?
Rich in mind, rich in matter, rich in soul?
Rich in mind, rich in matter, rich in soul?
I would like to think so; I think we would all like to think so, but does thinking so, make it so?
I'd say so, in some way, shape, or form. I'm rich in mind if I never conform, and I'm rich is soul so long as my soul is warm with compassion,
But I'll be honest... it lacks compassion sometimes, for those who have hurt me, have verbally lashed the bodily stronghold and burnt me,
And it hurts, lacking compassion for them... lacking a forgiveness I wish I could simply hand out,
But I can't... and I've tried, and tried again, only to be torn down from my good intentions zen,
And I wondered... what made people so bitter?
Because if given the choice between a sweet apple fritter or litter, I would take the fritter;
But the fritter is quick satisfaction for an ancient question involving attraction, or a lack thereof;
A lack of verbal traction in kind words as compared to insults, which burn like a complimentary contraction of the positive aspects of social abstraction.
50 good people could compliment you,
And then comes a mean word, straight out of the blue,
And what are you going to pay attention too?
The cruel words; they make your stomach churn like the flu,
Because we always take the negative as the truth,
Or give it more weight than a positive booth of good features.
Why is it the negative outweighs the good?
What made us think that the bad things should superimpose what is best in us?
Asbestos, the idea that the good is fireproof, but regardless, leaves us with lung cancer, and busted under the hoof of whose bigger,
Not better; we always talk about the record setters whose arrogance fetters their chance to be better than the average record setter,
But they never learn,
And it's almost my turn to be tested,
And best it, as a record setter of good intentions; I aim to redefine the conventions of societal contravention.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
The Vices of Democracy
As popular belief would have it, democracy is inherently flawed. As popular belief wouldn't have it, however, it is not democracy's fault, and it is not eternally broken, nor is it irreparable.
It is the fault of selfish individual human nature that causes democracy to be so back-and-forth and broken- so, in other words, it is the fault of both you and I.
This is the point in the article where you either decide to keep reading, or throw me off as a politically backwards individual who has no real understanding of your selfish perception of what is politically correct or incorrect. The moment you decide to stop reading and close your mind to this article, is the moment you prove my argument correct and become part of the problem that is inherent in our democratic society.
So, how exactly is it your fault and mine? Simple; the idea we have that we are always right in our opinions is the issue, and our resistance to others opinions on the ground that they're 'not for us' impedes all democratic success in the system, as this attitude is translated to the politicians, who immediately take sides, attempting to appeal to a group or the individual in general. For a democracy to properly function, politicians need to find some way to down their competitive natures and cease taking sides. Fuck the Conservatives, fuck the Liberals, fuck the NDP, Bloc Quebecois, Republicans, Democrats, Green Party, and all the other little obscure parties out to 'fix the world' in their favor. That's the problem! Everyone is working in someone elses favor, and in doing so, against the favor of someone else. It's great to win, but every time someone wins, somebody else loses. That's a rule of thumb for all those who look to conquer.
This selfish attitude comes from, or perhaps in only cemented by a consumerist society that emphasises the consumer is always right, and although this is in a different context to that of traditional politics, it causes individual or collective egos to grow. This attitude transfers itself into political standings, in which an individual or collective becomes so stiff in believing that they're always right to the point that they become condescending to people of differing opinions, which polarizes the opposition to the point where they too become condescending and stiff in mind. Now, let's be totally honest... this polarization usually occurs as a result of the right, who are always the ones to become stiff in mind first, believing that their way is the way that is the best for everyone, throwing away others opinions as 'the opinions of those who don't properly understand the situation like I/we do.' This, in turn, causes the left to get so frustrated that their advances towards making a more co-operative form of government are constantly spurred indifferently away as 'silly little attempts to implement socialism,' which the right is so sure doesn't work in any way, shape, or form, using it as a keyword to inflame an ignorant mass towards ostracizing the well-meaning left-wingers, who now slowly degenerate into something almost just as bad as the right due to their ideas being stonewalled. So, in a nutshell, the condescending self-righteousness of the right causes everyone else to stoop to their level, forever tearing apart any hope for democratic co-operation.
Does this mean that the abolition of the right is the answer? Of course not! They are just as entitled to their opinions as anyone else! What they're not entitled too, however, is ignoring the opinions of everyone else.
What I am suggesting is an abolition of what feeds the rights stiffness of mind, and in turn, feeds everyone elses becoming stuck in their own opinions. This means abolishing the current capitalist system as it is, and ceasing consumerism's wrongly-placed attitude of altruism in serving the consumers, as it breeds an irreversible selfishness in both the individual and collective.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Reality Puree
I like to constantly mix up my mind and take everything I know and stick it in a blender, then switch it on 'Liquefy' and wait until everything and anything I thought I knew is nothing but a smoothie of confusion. I could choose to leave that smoothie in the blender and go down a nice hot mug of reality, or I can choose to down the smoothie and get lost in the taste of it all, mixed together so fervently that one former form of knowledge is incomprehensibly inseparable from another former form of knowledge. It is at this point that I either come to terms with the fact that they are so mixed up there will never be any individual understanding of any of them ever again, or I start down the futile road of separating all the puree'd ingredients of the smoothie in a vein attempt to make them solid and individual once again. When I start down that road, I have no choice but to acknowledge I will never reach the end, and I have to acknowledge that never again will the blended banana ever be a solid part of reality, and I have to acknowledge that I have no proof to say the milk and yogurt were ever of separate forms. This is when reality becomes incomprehensible, yet closer to the honest nature of the universe, and further from the conventional delusions of the human mind.
This is when it becomes clear that we are all blind;
This is when it becomes obvious that there is no great truth to find,
And that we are lost in the beauty and delusion of perception.
This is when it becomes clear that we're alive.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
My Great Quest of Physical Self-Discovery and Repair
refers to my great journey aimed at eliminating eczema by getting to the roots of the problem. That means going to the extreme and testing my diet, starting off with eliminating dairy entirely, and observing if the affliction gets any better over the course of 3 weeks (as it takes 2 whole weeks for all kinds of dairy to finally leave your system, so the last week will be when I draw my final conclusions). If nothing changes, I will probably re-introduce dairy into my diet and observe if it makes the affliction any worse. If it doesn't, dairy wasn't the problem, and I can go on enjoying it for the rest of my life.
I will be keeping a food journal that will record the general gist of what I'll be ingesting over the next month or 2. If my removing dairy does nothing, I will pull dairy close, give it a kiss on the forehead, and tell it how sorry I am for having neglected it, at which point I'll find something else to eliminate with the help of my food journal. I'm going all-out this time.
I will also be employing the help of coconut oil, oatmeal baths, flax seeds, and raw determination in this 'final showdown' with my near life-long affliction (having been diagnosed with eczema at around the age of 5, I believe). With eczema either entirely eliminated, or dulled to the point of something that is nothing to worry about, and is easy to monitor and manage without fear of a serious flare-up, my overall quality of life will improve.
What finally prodded me to make an extreme effort is my realization that the constant pain, burning, and itching, even if it is only under-the-surface and something I am fully capable of overriding to enjoy life, day in and day out, has been dragging me down to a mild depression ever since my worst outbreak last June. The constant awareness of the pain and itchiness pulls me out of reality and into myself a big chunk of the time as well, when I would much rather be enveloped in the beautiful and intricate folds of reality minus the painful self-consciousness. That's not to say I haven't been happy, as I have... but it IS to say that my emotional situation is extremely volatile and easy to knock-down a level due to my physical affliction. The insecurity it has created has dented past romantic relationships, and I'm sure has played a significant part in their demise. It has also afflicted me socially, making me feel inferior to others at times due to the inescapable ugliness it presents. Only recently (as in, within the past year) have I trained myself to override the insecurity it breeds with confidence, which has indeed improved my overall quality of life... yet it still remains as a problem that relapses from time to time. As far as I'm concerned, I have nothing to lose out of attempting to lose it for good, so I'm going Operation Overlord on its ass to regain a fundamental human right: generally sustainable happiness.
It may be simply from the sun shining brightly outside, but both of my hands are already looking significantly less red after a single day. My resisting the urge to scratch may have played an important role in its partial healing as well... and I'm going to do all in my power to continue resisting the urge. Only those with eczema or some other sort of serious skin condition can really understand how much of an effort is required to resist; it is definitely a tough venture to hold out on, but I'm determined to hold-out until the enemy is defeated; or, at the very least, subjugated to my complete control.
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