The Taurus-Gemini Hybrid

Until recently, I considered myself a pure Gemini.

Although I'm not sure as to the amount of truth that can be attributed to things like astrology, horoscopes, or star-signs, I still find them all quite fascinating, considering how correct they can seem to be when taken at face-value, and giving them the benefit of loose interpretation.

The upsides to a Gemini personality are as follows:

Adaptable and versatile,

Communicative and witty,

Intellectual and eloquent,

Youthful and lively.

The downsides to a Gemini personality are:

Nervous and tense,

Superficial and inconsistent,

Cunning and inquisitive.

When it comes to all of the upsides, I would honestly have to agree.

As for the downsides, I would agree with nervous (at times), as well as tense on occasion. As for superficial, I would have to entirely disagree. If I was indeed born with this vice, I have overcome it over time and with effort, which would be the most likely process to have occurred.

Inconsistency I will admit to at times, but I am perfectly capable of being consistent with what I wish to, or have to be consistent with under certain circumstances. I will also admit to cunning, to which I have used for both good and bad in the past, but never without the best of intentions in the long-run. Inquisitive, as well, is something I will admit too, and would like to work on, at least in certain areas of my life, as I do tend to get too nosy from time to time, and infringe upon peoples right to privacy... although I have noticed that I am getting better at controlling said inquisitiveness.

It wasn't until the recent apparent alteration of the star-signs, and as such, the switch in astrological signs, that I began to delve into what could very well be interpreted as the Taurus side of me. Now, I know many people have said that it is only people born after the year 2003 (or something along those lines) that are subject to the alterations, but I've read elsewhere information that contradicts the latter. As such, I've decided, just as I have with horoscopes in general, that it all comes down to your interpretation as to what is true, and what isn't.

The upsides to a Taurus personality are as follows:

Patient and reliable,

Warmhearted and loving,

Persistent and determined,

Placid and security loving.

The downsides to a Taurus personality are:

Jealous and possessive,

Resentful and inflexible,

Self-indulgent and greedy.

Despite a few of the obvious contradictions in my interpretation that I am both part Gemini, as well as part Taurus, I see much truth in Taurus as well when applied to myself.

I would agree with patient and reliable, as in most circumstances (especially in circumstances regarding people close to me), I can manage to be incredibly patient, as well as especially reliable. I never spout off a secret, unless it's under especially considerable circumstances, which rarely ever occur. Warmhearted and loving I would also have to agree with. I love to love, and I love to make people feel better about themselves and assist those close to me in maintaining their self-confidence, or rebuilding it after some sort of emotionally traumatic experience. I'm also incredibly loyal to friends and family, and will never look to end any sort of relationship without having exhausted all other possible measures to no avail. I also agree with persistent and determined, at least depending on what it is. If it is something I truly find necessary, and/or enjoyable, I am easily able to be persistent and determined. I mean... I have stuck with school for the past 14 or so years, haven't I? I've also stuck with guitar for the past 3 years; most importantly because I enjoy it so much. I would also agree with placid and security loving; I mean, who doesn't love security?

My Gemini personality can override my love of security, and put me out of my personal 'safety zone' when I feel like it, but regardless, I truly do love some sort of security. I do indeed love thrills, excitement, and adventure, but I am also very capable of placidity when I feel like it, or need to be in order to maintain my overall happiness in life (for example: despite my desire to leave Powell River, I have been happy here all my life, and will enjoy my remaining amount of time before I do finally decide to depart, whether forever or not).

As for the Taurus downsides, I would say they can all be true under certain circumstances; although my Gemini side has assisted very much so in overcoming much of them.

Yes, I can indeed be jealous and possessive, but I am not on a regular basis, and I find both feelings quite easy to overcome, even if it is only by pushing both to the back of my mind.

As for resentful and inflexible, I would say it really depends. If someone has seriously wronged me, I do indeed become resentful towards them, as well as what occurred... but I am also capable of overcoming both types of resentment, even if I never do become re-affiliated with the person, or persons, who may have wronged me. When it comes to inflexible, I would say I have quite largely overcome this, but there are times when I am not willing to be flexible, whether for selfish reasons, or simply because I feel that I can't afford to be. I do consider myself, in general, to be incredibly flexible, however... which would probably resonate from my Gemini side, if anywhere.

When it comes to being self-indulgent and greedy, it gets iffy.

When it comes to self-indulgence, I am guilty. I mean, who doesn't like to indulge themselves every once in awhile, even when they know they probably shouldn't? If it does not truly harm anyone, aside from maybe yourself, why does it truly matter? I do tend to listen to reason more often, however. As for greedy... yes, I can be greedy at times, but I have mostly overcome it, and easily realize when I am making such a mistake, even if only after the fact. Everyone is greedy from time to time; it's human nature.

That concludes this post. If anyone has any sort of opinion, I invite you to post it in the comments section below. I'm not sure at all as to the truth of astrology and horoscopes, but they are both incredibly fascinating nonetheless, as I said before.

Romantic Intelligence, or, the Clouds Around the Sun

Love is both a vice and a curse,

A blessing in which you find yourself immersed;

A progressive, regressive, digressive pursuit,

In which you lose yourself many times in search of a route,

To lasting happiness, which still blinks from afar;

Like the distant light of a parked car,

As if someone forgot to switch off the high beams,

Or is there a reason that this pitch blackness now gleams?

Love causes you to return broken patterns,

In which insecurity orbits like the 62 moons of Saturn.

Escape it, escape it! Find solace in pain!

Find solace in the left or right side of your brain!

Like the frontal assault during Op Barbarossa,

You seem to confuse old Taiwan with Formosa.

In doubles, you see, when your love stares you down,

You want nothing more but to be her great crown,

So you let down your walls and pull-back your defenses;

Your protective soldiers fall back to the fences.

You talk with 'I,'

And realize that you're oft wrong,

Yet prior to this, you sung yourself an old swan song,

To convince yourself that your views were God-given;

Despite the true fact that you define Atheism.

Prior to this, no one countered your 'great' words;

Or, if they did, often you considered them of herds,

Which had no capacity to understand life;

They would much quicker fall towards the shaft of the knife.

You rework the office inside of your head,

And forget all the things about love you once said,

When ex-girlfriends had dumped you like a sack of potatoes;

And would verbally stain you with far-flung tomatoes.

Yet tossed in the mix are the words of the stars,

Telling you whose compatible, is it Venus or Mars?

Forget the external, this love is but yours and but hers.

Never let the rest determine,

As you're the connoisseur.

Stoned.

Last night, myself and a few friends, as well as my girlfriend, all got stoned out of our minds.

Taking tokes every 2 or 3 hours, we were up until the break of dawn simply removing ourselves from the real world. It was an interesting, as well as incredible experience while it lasted, but what came during and after really were not worth the rush in any sense.

This was not my first time getting stoned; I've done it about 5 or 6 times before, sporadically, in the past. It's never something I seek out, but more something that, if it happens, it happens.

I can honestly say, after trying it many times and getting the same general feeling, that doing drugs of any sort sucks.

Drinking is disgusting. The only time I even vaguely enjoy it is when I'm with friends, drinking an alcoholic beverage that actually tastes good, like Palm Bay, or sweet champagne. Beer is both pointless and disgusting, as far as I'm concerned. You chug down something that tastes terrible, in order to do something terrible to your body. Despite any rush you may get from it, the rush isn't worth the downfall the following day.

When I drink, I drink a couple sips... and only of something that tastes generally alright. I'm an automatic heavyweight when it comes to getting drunk, so getting drunk always entails a hangover for me. Even when I drink just enough to get buzzed, and manage to avoid the hangover, I always feel an underlying sense of melancholy the following day, which, to me, is never worth the rush.

The same thing goes for weed.

When I get high, I go nuts. I speak my mind, I make stupid comments, I rant, I laugh, and I constantly feel on the brink of simply passing out. Alongside this, I feel blatantly insecure and become hypersensitive to the actions of those I truly care about, which is what happened with my girlfriend.

Despite my awareness of her attitude having nothing to do with me, the way she seemed to avoid me and go into herself while she was high caused me to begin over-analyzing everything I did. I don't really wish to go in-depth, as it might be impolite for privacy purposes, but a lot of annoying hypocrisy in the way things occurred between us that night truly got to me.

I do love the rush of getting stoned; I mean, very few don't. But the downfall the following day, like it is with alcohol, just isn't worth it to me at all. It's a waste of my energy, a drain on my confidence, and an easy spark for future problems with friends, myself, and my girlfriend... not to mention the fact that, being completely aware of what I was like the night before, I feel like a total idiot in having acted the way I did, despite its lack of any real external consequence due to everyone else acting in similar ways, as pertaining to the effect it had on them individually.

It's strange. Some people get stoned to escape loneliness. I wasn't lonely at all. Now that I've gotten stoned once again, I suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness despite the fact that I know I'm not.

He Saw What He Would Never See (A Short Story)

When he died, it was no different as to when he was alive.

He had never seen the bright of day, or felt the warmth of the sun, or tasted the sweetness of sugar. He was simply gone from this world almost as quickly as he had entered it.

Herman realized that his wife's still-birth several years ago had changed him. That, coupled with her sudden death as a result of cancer a year later, had tossed him into life's waiting room once again, browsing dating sites, working minimum wage, and waiting for another 'the one' to show-up and replace his deceased beloved.

He felt perpetually lost in the utter confusion and hectic linearism of life; wake-up, go to work, make just enough to survive for the day, return home, watch TV, and then go to sleep and repeat the cycle over and over again, only to break the cycle every Saturday, when he would get-up at noon and read for an hour before heading downtown to purchase groceries. He was beginning to question the logic of it all.

He felt jealousy whenever he passed a happy couple, and anguish whenever he passed someone holding a child, or statically pushing one along in a stroller next to him on the city boardwalk.
Death was the product of life. But if that was so, then what was the product of death?

For years he had struggled with such questions, attempting to use them in order to properly find himself. He still had yet to establish any real answer. All he had was wild speculation, and he wasn't one to buy into the 'definite' speculations of a church, or any religion for that matter.

It was a bitingly cold winter night as he returned to his home around 9 o'clock. He had got off early due to his working overtime most of the previous week. Unbearably tired, he immediately climbed into bed without switching the television on, and almost as immediately slipped away into the comforting enfolds of sleep.

Suddenly, it felt as if he had woken up, yet he could see nothing but the blurry, shapeless movement of numerous colors above his head, and an artificially high-pitched voice speaking to him in an affectionately patronizing tone.

"How's my little sweetheart? How is my little boy? Are you happy, baby? Are you comfy?"
He understood every word, but for some reason when he tried to ask Who are you? nothing but an indiscernible whine made it out of his vocal chords.
Suddenly, the shapeless blot of color lifted him from wherever it was he had been laying. Frightened, Herman tried to say 'Stop it! Put me down!' but instead, his eyes welled up with tears and he began to weep uncontrollably. As he did so, the shapeless blur held him closer and began humming 'shhhhh' into his left ear, and abruptly he felt calm and entirely safe, free from all the burdens of the world.
Stopping occasionally for breaths as Herman's wails began to subside, everything suddenly went black, and the white noise coming from the shapeless blur sounded as if it were fading. It felt like his lungs had suddenly collapsed, and an overwhelming dizziness overtook him as he attempted to gasp for a breath. He didn't panic when it didn't come, however. He simply closed his eyes as if falling asleep.

Herman woke-up in the middle of a desperate gasp for air, and quickly realized it had all simply been a dream. Curiously looking throughout the near pitch-black of his room, he peaked at his curtained window just in time to notice a cars headlights quickly slicing through the darkness, and then sliding away as quickly as it had appeared. Impulsively, he climbed out of bed, and without changing out of his pajamas, put on a pair of slippers and walked out into the freezing cold of the January air. As he let the cold uncomfortably caress his overly exposed skin, he shivered and crossed his hands as if embracing himself, yet continued forward in no particular direction.

The suburbs during the dead of night were unbearably silent. Only the occasional car ever appeared, and only the occasional person, who usually gave the impression of being some sort of burnt-out drug addict, ever appeared underneath the isolated beams of light luminously revealing small patches of the road in the overwhelming reality of the darkness.

The reality of the darkness. Never before had his thoughts put it so clearly.

Darkness was the base-point of all that was perceivable within the natural universe. Like an island, light stood as a recurring phenomenon within an endless ocean of black space, just as it was now, with the streetlights acting as the natural defiant against the overwhelming odds of the all-enveloping shadow of reality.

Returning to the dream he had had only a half-hour ago, he realized exactly what he had seen. He had been seeing through the eyes of his unnamed baby to which had died 15 minutes after childbirth, plummeting both his and his wife's overwhelming joy at that moment into a dark pit of panic and despair. He now realized the significance of the dream in relation to his thoughts; as he was seeing through his child's eyes, he could see nothing but indefinite colors and shapes. From nowhere, this baby's consciousness had sprung to life. From absolutely nowhere, his very existence had come into being.

But where was nowhere?

Within nothingness; a part of the overarching reality of the universe itself

: pitch darkness. And it was there that he returned only moments later. Everyone was destined to return from whence they came in space and time eventually, regardless of what saintly or satanic actions they undertook during their conscious allotment on Earth.

Humans, he realized, spent too much time justifying both life and death, and in doing so, forgot the value of being something in a universe full of nothing but everything. To the human mind, anything and everything existed only so long as it was occurring, as well as being observed. This led to an inevitable question for Herman; when you died, was it you that ended? Or the universe?

Lost in his own head, he neglected to realize the semi truck that had failed to notice him as he was crossing the street.

He heard the vehicle as it slammed into his physical body, but seemingly from a distance. That was the last thing he would ever perceive. At first, he noticed the nothingness as it took him; but soon enough, his ability to notice became a part of it.

Before he had time to care, he faded into the infinite abyss of nowhere.

It was true; ignorance is bliss. Or was, anyways.

The Perfect Age for Children, and the 7 Phases of the Next 2 Years

Last week, my girlfriend and I got into a heated debate over the age at which it is truly necessary, as well as acceptable, to have children.

Now, to make sure no one misinterprets this post, that doesn't mean children between us. We're much to young to bet in such a hefty direction, much to young. Instead, we simply got into a circumstantial and philosophical debate on what age is the best to reproduce and continue the human race.

She believes that in or around 25 is the best age, as you're 'not to young,' and 'not to old,' so, in a way, you too get to 'grow up alongside your children.' Voicing my honest opinions in a teasing tone, I told her that I believed that to be naive, and too young for such a responsibility.

I saw her side to the argument (despite her telling me that 'I don't understand'), but I still saw it as a naive view to have, as well as obvious in its creation via the influence of parents and other people close to her.

It doesn't make it wrong, as it's not as if one would be incapable of taking care or of loving children at that age; it is simply robbing said person of any long-term period that could be used for leisure, freedom, and personal growth (like Scroobius Pip said in the song "Get Better," 'you've got to build yourself a little, before you decide to build build them').

She countered by saying that it would be nice to build yourself a little alongside building them, and that way, you and your children can grow together. I saw her point, but still disagreed with it. For some reason, the idea of wanting to have children so young still spurs feelings of annoyance at my perceived naivety of such a goal.

Personally, I would say 30 is the ideal age, as you're still biologically able to healthily reproduce, and you're not to old; yet you've had time to both grow up, and personally experience the world on your own, without hefty responsibilities partially or entirely holding you back; even if such responsibilities are sincerely spiritually fulfilling... you'll find them much more fulfilling if you're able to allure your children into a sense of curiosity about the world with your stories of adventure, as well as simply living on this planet of ours. That's not to say they wouldn't grow up curious about the world otherwise, but it is to say there will be times when your lack if expedience will hinder your children's potential world-view.

I guess in the general sense of other people, I'm pretty neutral on people (deliberately) having children in or around the age of 25, but when I try to relate myself as to being in their shoes, I feel as if they're blowing many potential aspects of their lives by doing so, whether they have the soundest of arguments in their favor or not; they've now tied themselves to an iron ball in which they won't be able to escape for maybe more than 2 or 3 weeks, maximum.

All I know is, that after I graduate and get a job, I want to have the freedom and ability to simply quit that job anytime I like, without putting any family of mine under financial duress for selfish and self-fulfilling reasons. During the next 13 years, I would like to go to school again and take what I wish; but I'd also like to take maybe a year (or two) off after high-school as to both work, as well as travel. I plan on 7 phases: the first phase will be working as to earn enough money to move to a new locale; the second phase will be moving to said location and establishing myself to a satisfactory extent (ex: a job and a home at the bare minimum); the third phase will be saving enough money to make sure I can still pay the rent while absent from the country for upwards of 3 months, as well as 2 months afterwards, so I have a time to reestablish myself following my return to the country; the fourth phase will be making enough money to travel for 3-4 months; the fifth phase will be choosing a country/ continent/ region, and developing a general game plan. The sixth phase will be travelling there, as well as doing what I came to do (generally, explore and experience), and returning by the end of the 4th month (latest). The seventh, and final phase will be reestablishing myself (ex: finding a new job, or returning to the old one). I plan on repeating phases 3-7 at least three more times before I begin a serious saving plan for post-secondary schooling, which will most likely begin with Community College, and fade into either University, or College in general.

Life will be good. :)

John Marston has Died, but 2011 has been Born.

Good evening, blue planet.

This is my first official post of 2011, and I apologize for not having posted sooner... or on New Years Day itself, as I did last year, when I left a quick note welcoming 2010 into our world. Now, I, as well as the rest of the world, have said goodbye to 2010, and hello to the first real part in a brand new decade. 2010 acted as both an epilogue to the previous decade, as well as a prologue to the next. Now that such denouements and introductions are over, I fully welcome the slowly rising action in this new chapter of my life. Where it'll meet its first climax is hard to say; but if it hasn't reached the start of the climax, or at least the initial incident by the time I graduate, it won't be too long at all until I find a large obstacle that needs to be properly navigated above or around on the first leg along the long road of my life. I look forward to further living.

Earlier today, I beat the video game Red Dead Redemption, and although some may not care to hear about my video gaming exploits, I would have to say the Red Dead is easily one of the greatest games I've played. Game play wise, it's one of the largest explorable worlds I've ever experienced via a television screen, it's got some of the most realistic guns and weapons play I've ever seen, and it's got the greatest physics I've ever seen in a video game, ever. Story wise, its philosophical, ethical, moral, and historical value is incredible. Throughout the game you see how much different things change; you see the Old West as it slowly fades into modernity; you see historically represented wars and revolutions set the stage for further wars and revolutions by those who are now bound to repeat them; you see old friends wither and die, or awaken and blossom; and you see the protagonists develop further, proving you never cease to learn in life, regardless of how much you think you may know.

Alongside all of the above, the game also allows for freedom of choice. In a way similar to Grand Theft Auto, you may choose to become a mass murderer, killing and looting the bodies of innocent civilians; yet, unlike GTA, you lose honor and credibility from such actions, and gain a perpetual suspicion from the general populace (for good reason).

The scenery and animal wildlife is also incredible, causing that, as well as all of the above, to create probably the most realistic game-world available on the market.

Anyways, despite my slight urge to stay up a bit late on a school night, I should probably wrap this up and head to bed. Good night, blue planet, and Happy New Year.