1. If you could make a 30 second speech to the entire world, what would you say?
I would probably appeal to relaxation (which, strangely enough, is completely not where I've been coming from as of late, although it is still the basis of who I am in theory), and tell everyone to listen or read Alan Watts at least once in their lifetime. Even if it's only a 1 hour lecture online, or a single book.. much of it would assist the world on a road to collective enlightenment in the strangest and most honest of ways.
2.If you were going to die at midnight, what would you be doing at 11:45 pm?
You know, I'll never know for sure unless it actually occurs to me, but I could see myself doing one of many things. Perhaps making love, or spending time just having one last intellectual conversation with friends or loved ones.. perhaps simply saying goodbye, advising on how to deal with my passing.. maybe I would meditate until I faded away. Or, I could pull an Aldous Huxley and go on an LSD or mescalin death trip.
As of right now, I see myself simply writing one last song, jamming on my own with a guitar.
Perhaps an intimate loved one would be present.. or friends and family. Who knows?
I certainly don't.
3. How do you really know anything for sure?
You don't.
4. If you had all the money in the world but still had to have some kind of job, what would you choose to do?
Investigative journalism a majority of the time.. however, I would partake a more in-depth pursuit of my artistic endeavors.. writing, music making, etc.
5. When you’re 90 years old, what will matter most to you?
Probably whatever family I have at that time. Perhaps I will be an old, silent Bodhisattva. Perhaps I'll just be me.
But yeah, I'm going to assume my family.
6. What do you regret most so far in life?
My inability to sustain long-term relationships due to my own deeply entrenched insecurities which eventually boil above the attempted spectacle of my bravado.
7. How can you apply the lesson you learned from that regret to your life today?
By being honest with an intimate loved one about said insecurities and leaving it up to them to take it or leave it.. as well as not allowing said insecurities to ever compromise my base self or future relationships.
8. What would you change if you were told with 100% certainty that God does not exist? Or if you don’t believe in God, that he does exist?
Probably not a whole lot, to be honest (I being one who does not believe in the Judaeo-Christian God, per se, but I do think I grasp what 'God' is meant to represent).
9. If you lost everything tomorrow, whose arms would you want to run into? Does that person know how much they mean to you?
I don't think I'd run into any particular persons arms at this point in my life.
I'd appeal for a little help from friends and family, perhaps.. but I wouldn't want to lay the burden of my subsistence on any individual person.
I honestly don't have an individual I would run to even in a sentimental sense. I'm not sure if this implies loneliness, or independence.
Perhaps a little bit of both.
10. Do you fear death? If so, do you have a good reason?
Well, I fear death as much as the next person. Not that I don't accept it as I don't have much of a choice.. but I'm certainly nowhere near ready to let myself fall to death quite yet.. even as someone who sees reincarnation as a very likely possibility. There's still plenty I would like to do as Kyran Paterson-King.
11. What would you change if you knew you were NEVER going to die?
I probably wouldn't worry so much about long-term goals and the like. I would work without much of a worry for the future, seeing as I'm not victim to finite time.
12. If you were at heaven’s gates, and God asked “why should I let you in?”, what would you say?
I am just as much God as you are. You lose a part of yourself in denying me.
(Although I know that what God is meant to represent cannot, by its very nature, deny anything).
13. When will you be good enough for you? Is there some breaking point where you will accept everything about yourself?
I have no idea when I will be good enough for me. I like to pretend I am.. and at a base point, I obviously have no choice (not that I mean that in a submissive 'victim-mentality' sort of way; I certainly am happy to be who I am), but there are times in my life when I am more accepting and whole-hearted towards myself than others. This is a time where I feel a little off, for whatever reason.
As for the breaking point; perhaps there is. I can't really say.
14. Is the country you live in really the best fit for you?
Not with the current Harper majority government; of course, that's only speaking in a political sense. In all technicality and honesty, I don't believe in nation-states. I do love the Pacific Northwest, however.
I do, however, see myself living in Europe someday, even if only to try it on for size.
15. What would people say about you at your funeral?
I'm not sure. Ask them.
16. What small thing could you do to make someone’s day better?
Many different things. 'Smile' is the cheesy and obvious one. Offer them assistance, start a conversation.. who knows. The options are infinite.
17. (If you believe in god) would your relationship with god change it all if you were told with 100% certainty that he was actually a she?
God is neither a he nor a she. To assume either, even in the employment of convenient metaphor, is an ignorant and archaic practice.
18. What do you believe stands between you and complete happiness?
My 'solipsistic' anxieties about existence.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
working on the motivation to write a real article
I've been working full-time as of late, so I've usually come home at around 6 every weekday with the intent to attempt something amazing.
I did successfully slog through the ample recording of a new rap song of mine titled "Welcome to the Sunrise" (available for listen through the following link), but other then that my newly purchased recording equipment has only fallen victim to subsequent recordings I find less than satisfying.
Work has been draining and demanding, but good for what it is nonetheless. Emotionally, I'm up and down.. occasionally pushing my head to hard in the pursuit of intellectual knowledge.. but I can't really complain about my situation overall. Besides; hard work, trial, and error are what makes a 'great.' So what if I feel myself challenged in most aspects of my life? I'm going to side with those who endure and say it's all going to pay dividends in one way or another in ways I can't even yet imagine.
I've had flashes of ideas for different subjects on which to write about on my blog.. but as of yet, nothing has come to fruition for the reason(s) already listed. Even if it takes until December or January, I promise that more substantial posts are on the way (and, knowing myself, writing this 'quick update' of sorts may very well lead to a substantial post later today, as I'll prove to myself that I'm certainly still willing and able to write).
Powell River is still somewhat of a stagnant heap for me at this point, with work being my only real dedication, as well as the only reason I'm still here. I haven't had much in the way of social outings or interactions outside of work and the internet due to everyone (including myself) being so Goddamn busy (or off in some other part of the globe, whether near or far). In all truth, I'd have to say life is a blank neutral, with it's minor pleasures and minor pains, but is neither very bad or very good. I find myself drinking a lot of tea throughout the week, and getting at least somewhat drunk during the weekend, during which time all of my hardships and pursuits seem to be made of insignificant straw in which it's like none of them really exist and everything is actually totally fine forever and ever. This doesn't change the fact that I return to these hardships in due time.
My anxiety has been pretty stagnant; although I did have a bout of it today after drinking a little too much coffee, and a bout of it last weekend when I made an outing to Downtown Vancouver while visiting family in White Rock for my late aunts funeral.
The Downtown Vancouver core.. at least in relation to me.. has this dark, foreboding, evil urban insecurity which just eats away at me.. like I'm drowning almost hopelessly in negative frequencies. There are very calm, zenned, and well-vibed pockets throughout the city (like Kitsilano), but for the most part it just feels angry and hopeless and painful.
I'm half-toying with the idea of dedicating myself to a completely healthy diet, with little to no deviation save from the occasional splurge on alcohol and one fast-food meal a month.. but it's still stuck on the precipice of 'is-it-worthwhile-or-would-I-rather-just-be-lazy-about-it-until-further-notice.'
Due to the amount of spare-time I find I have at work (and the nature of the work itself), I've been doing push-ups and crunches to help keep myself in shape while I hangout with the client. It seems to be working, but since the end of the summer I've neglected cardio workouts aside from plenty of walking (which isn't quite on-par with what constant biking did for me).
Anyways.. I do have plans tonight, thankfully, with a coworker to drink and eat plenty, as well as have long, in-depth intellectual conversation with different documentaries playing on the big-screen as backdrop. So I'm very much looking forward to that.
I just kinda wish I was in a place where I could spend my youth partying with friends my age, whether intellect is implied in the mix or not. It'll happen though. 9 more months till I make the jump to lightspeed.. er.. Victoria. It'll seem like no time in retrospect I'm sure. But in respect to looking forward.. it feels like a somewhat distant future.
Peace out, blue planet.
Have a great night.
I did successfully slog through the ample recording of a new rap song of mine titled "Welcome to the Sunrise" (available for listen through the following link), but other then that my newly purchased recording equipment has only fallen victim to subsequent recordings I find less than satisfying.
Work has been draining and demanding, but good for what it is nonetheless. Emotionally, I'm up and down.. occasionally pushing my head to hard in the pursuit of intellectual knowledge.. but I can't really complain about my situation overall. Besides; hard work, trial, and error are what makes a 'great.' So what if I feel myself challenged in most aspects of my life? I'm going to side with those who endure and say it's all going to pay dividends in one way or another in ways I can't even yet imagine.
I've had flashes of ideas for different subjects on which to write about on my blog.. but as of yet, nothing has come to fruition for the reason(s) already listed. Even if it takes until December or January, I promise that more substantial posts are on the way (and, knowing myself, writing this 'quick update' of sorts may very well lead to a substantial post later today, as I'll prove to myself that I'm certainly still willing and able to write).
Powell River is still somewhat of a stagnant heap for me at this point, with work being my only real dedication, as well as the only reason I'm still here. I haven't had much in the way of social outings or interactions outside of work and the internet due to everyone (including myself) being so Goddamn busy (or off in some other part of the globe, whether near or far). In all truth, I'd have to say life is a blank neutral, with it's minor pleasures and minor pains, but is neither very bad or very good. I find myself drinking a lot of tea throughout the week, and getting at least somewhat drunk during the weekend, during which time all of my hardships and pursuits seem to be made of insignificant straw in which it's like none of them really exist and everything is actually totally fine forever and ever. This doesn't change the fact that I return to these hardships in due time.
My anxiety has been pretty stagnant; although I did have a bout of it today after drinking a little too much coffee, and a bout of it last weekend when I made an outing to Downtown Vancouver while visiting family in White Rock for my late aunts funeral.
The Downtown Vancouver core.. at least in relation to me.. has this dark, foreboding, evil urban insecurity which just eats away at me.. like I'm drowning almost hopelessly in negative frequencies. There are very calm, zenned, and well-vibed pockets throughout the city (like Kitsilano), but for the most part it just feels angry and hopeless and painful.
I'm half-toying with the idea of dedicating myself to a completely healthy diet, with little to no deviation save from the occasional splurge on alcohol and one fast-food meal a month.. but it's still stuck on the precipice of 'is-it-worthwhile-or-would-I-rather-just-be-lazy-about-it-until-further-notice.'
Due to the amount of spare-time I find I have at work (and the nature of the work itself), I've been doing push-ups and crunches to help keep myself in shape while I hangout with the client. It seems to be working, but since the end of the summer I've neglected cardio workouts aside from plenty of walking (which isn't quite on-par with what constant biking did for me).
Anyways.. I do have plans tonight, thankfully, with a coworker to drink and eat plenty, as well as have long, in-depth intellectual conversation with different documentaries playing on the big-screen as backdrop. So I'm very much looking forward to that.
I just kinda wish I was in a place where I could spend my youth partying with friends my age, whether intellect is implied in the mix or not. It'll happen though. 9 more months till I make the jump to lightspeed.. er.. Victoria. It'll seem like no time in retrospect I'm sure. But in respect to looking forward.. it feels like a somewhat distant future.
Peace out, blue planet.
Have a great night.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
cafe poetic anthology vol. 3 (short reprise for the city wearing slacks)
tetris patterned-shirt
weird, life-is-a-creamy-dream feeling every ever
I spend here
in
Downtown Vancouver.
is it the thought of the chilli-pepper eyed parrot
grazing on the street soul from the corner of Davie
and Granville?
is it a birth trauma coma slam
considering the fact that my
passport
says I awoke here
for the very first time?
is it the caffeine pulsing through my sweat like blood
the triple-sweater sandwich I call my chest
the passing of my dear old Auntie Debbie
the alien faces of a city-gone city goer
the warm freeze of 15 dollars in my pocket
wallet
crunch
perhaps it's the red pants
the folded skinny's
the overalls
the great validation of Shakespeare's scream:
"All the worlds a stage/ and all the men and women merely players."
Did he mean John Players?
Each and every all of us to be smoked
in the soaking rain
pretending that we
each
have brains?
- - -
I know
I'm not as intriguing
as most of these Greek-God's and Goddesses
But I still wonder
if man and women gaze to me
like I'm bless-ed.
- - -
could that explain the dream feel?
the creamy steamy dream feel?
my lack of validation
in this crowd-work calling card?
- - -
it's just about time
that I mention the women
whom gazed
from the train
that traverses the
clouds.
East Indian I assume
I the troubadour
I gazed right back into her eyes.
We played this game
until 'screech' went the train
and I moved on in space and in time.
She exited there
at the same place I glared
to the tiling below my unfit and soaked
sigh's.
As to why that I raced
so that she couldn't chase
and speak words that would open the
light
I'm unsure
but I wanted to
even as I
slipped from sight
into Vancouver's day bright of a night.
- - -
weird, life-is-a-creamy-dream feeling every ever
I spend here
in
Downtown Vancouver.
is it the thought of the chilli-pepper eyed parrot
grazing on the street soul from the corner of Davie
and Granville?
is it a birth trauma coma slam
considering the fact that my
passport
says I awoke here
for the very first time?
is it the caffeine pulsing through my sweat like blood
the triple-sweater sandwich I call my chest
the passing of my dear old Auntie Debbie
the alien faces of a city-gone city goer
the warm freeze of 15 dollars in my pocket
wallet
crunch
perhaps it's the red pants
the folded skinny's
the overalls
the great validation of Shakespeare's scream:
"All the worlds a stage/ and all the men and women merely players."
Did he mean John Players?
Each and every all of us to be smoked
in the soaking rain
pretending that we
each
have brains?
- - -
I know
I'm not as intriguing
as most of these Greek-God's and Goddesses
But I still wonder
if man and women gaze to me
like I'm bless-ed.
- - -
could that explain the dream feel?
the creamy steamy dream feel?
my lack of validation
in this crowd-work calling card?
- - -
it's just about time
that I mention the women
whom gazed
from the train
that traverses the
clouds.
East Indian I assume
I the troubadour
I gazed right back into her eyes.
We played this game
until 'screech' went the train
and I moved on in space and in time.
She exited there
at the same place I glared
to the tiling below my unfit and soaked
sigh's.
As to why that I raced
so that she couldn't chase
and speak words that would open the
light
I'm unsure
but I wanted to
even as I
slipped from sight
into Vancouver's day bright of a night.
- - -
Sunday, November 11, 2012
cafe poetic anthology vol. 2
hasn't been long
has it?
or
has it?
- - -
why is it that
everyone who walks in here
looks so
goddamn
beautiful?
- - -
why is it that
everyone who walks in here
looks so
goddamn
concerned?
- - -
I like the idea
of organized crime
reminds me of
well
organized crime.
- - -
I've learned enough
but I can always learn more.
I've learned enough
but I can always learn
m
oooo
re.
- - -
sometimes
I notice
someone
peaking at me
from
the
front-counter.
curious?
why, yes, I am.
- - -
I don't
know
if it's arrogance
or love
that drives me
to hope
someone else
will be just as excited about
my poetry
as
I am.
and it probably
doesn't
even
matter
really.
- - -
sweet half-smile
from a girl
or
woman
woah man
with really friendly curls.
I'd chat
but
well
- - -
my dream world
consists
of being able to yell
at everyone
how much I love them
and how
beautiful
I think they are.
- - -
there's no line
in the sand
so
shut the fuck up
about separates.
- - -
Sisyphus
you are a nice metaphor
but
you're still a metaphor
and if I read you enough
I will forget that
and you will win
a battle you had no idea
you even started.
- - -
am I still writing
about a cafe?
no
but I am still writing
in a cafe.
- - -
has it?
or
has it?
- - -
why is it that
everyone who walks in here
looks so
goddamn
beautiful?
- - -
why is it that
everyone who walks in here
looks so
goddamn
concerned?
- - -
I like the idea
of organized crime
reminds me of
well
organized crime.
- - -
I've learned enough
but I can always learn more.
I've learned enough
but I can always learn
m
oooo
re.
- - -
sometimes
I notice
someone
peaking at me
from
the
front-counter.
curious?
why, yes, I am.
- - -
I don't
know
if it's arrogance
or love
that drives me
to hope
someone else
will be just as excited about
my poetry
as
I am.
and it probably
doesn't
even
matter
really.
- - -
sweet half-smile
from a girl
or
woman
woah man
with really friendly curls.
I'd chat
but
well
- - -
my dream world
consists
of being able to yell
at everyone
how much I love them
and how
beautiful
I think they are.
- - -
there's no line
in the sand
so
shut the fuck up
about separates.
- - -
Sisyphus
you are a nice metaphor
but
you're still a metaphor
and if I read you enough
I will forget that
and you will win
a battle you had no idea
you even started.
- - -
am I still writing
about a cafe?
no
but I am still writing
in a cafe.
- - -
cafe poetic anthology vol. 1
the sounds of a crowded cafe
ca-caw! like a crow, everybody's crowing something
each a beautiful story dressed in winter hop-scotch
or a poorer story dressed in a business suit.
who knows
perhaps it's like a rich chocolate covered in a wrapper
and that business suit is to be peeled off soon
enjoy the sweet treat underneath
but I can always tell when someone is selling themselves
because they look like a city map
drawn to design
I guess try-hards are alright when they polish like diamonds
except the beauty of a diamond is not faked
the beauty of the diamond hides itself underground, to show that the deeper you go
the greater it gets
so why manicure?
why manicure, Mr. Business Cowardly,
are you afraid of yourself?
- - -
I probably moved on in observation a few moments later when I realized the pretty girls across the way whom I used to go to high-school with
never did I once speak with them
I felt no need
because I knew they manicured themselves to avoid the fact that the diamonds underneath were either hidden away to be kept for themselves
or just
never there?
the wailing baby is the bravest
the wailing baby is the greatest
the wailing baby understands the grand stand by remaining unstood
fine, fine wailing baby
you are God and you already know it
but get ready to forget because Mr. Cowardly Business
and Mrs. Manicured Face will eat you too
and leave you soulless until you're soulful
the daily drain of the soul into an unholy grail.
let the world sip from the cup like a poisonous water
WAIT!
I'm still thirsty, don't drink it all yourself!
- - -
that serious face of beauty
rock-hard, dead-eyed beauty
I wear it too and I'm probably ashamed but I'm not sure yet.
- - -
just a little jittery from the jut-cliff of caffeine
ah, ah, aahhhh, it makes me thirsty to live.
ah, ah, ahhh, what lovely visions upon seeing
appearance vs. reality
appearance is reality
appearance is
disappearance
is
pardon me I need to piss.
- - -
at least somebody cares
but stop pretending cus I know you're too scared
to admit it.
- - -
christmas decorations already
I guess that makes sense if you're trying to
increase
your net
profit
prophet
- - -
pretty face you wear
fuck you for hiding your pretty face
- - -
do I qualify as some cultural absurdity
considering I'm sitting here
sipping coffee
writing poems
baby blue toque
comfy-patterned sweater?
what's better?
- - -
these dash-breaks don't annotate much
except implicit unity
yes, you know me.
- - -
not really sure
what to think
about that one
or that one
or that one
or
this
1
- - -
one of the men in a business suit
describes this place as
noisy
but quiet.
maybe he's not so
Mr. Cowardly Business
maybe I judged him over the
speed
limit.
- - -
ca-caw! like a crow, everybody's crowing something
each a beautiful story dressed in winter hop-scotch
or a poorer story dressed in a business suit.
who knows
perhaps it's like a rich chocolate covered in a wrapper
and that business suit is to be peeled off soon
enjoy the sweet treat underneath
but I can always tell when someone is selling themselves
because they look like a city map
drawn to design
I guess try-hards are alright when they polish like diamonds
except the beauty of a diamond is not faked
the beauty of the diamond hides itself underground, to show that the deeper you go
the greater it gets
so why manicure?
why manicure, Mr. Business Cowardly,
are you afraid of yourself?
- - -
I probably moved on in observation a few moments later when I realized the pretty girls across the way whom I used to go to high-school with
never did I once speak with them
I felt no need
because I knew they manicured themselves to avoid the fact that the diamonds underneath were either hidden away to be kept for themselves
or just
never there?
the wailing baby is the bravest
the wailing baby is the greatest
the wailing baby understands the grand stand by remaining unstood
fine, fine wailing baby
you are God and you already know it
but get ready to forget because Mr. Cowardly Business
and Mrs. Manicured Face will eat you too
and leave you soulless until you're soulful
the daily drain of the soul into an unholy grail.
let the world sip from the cup like a poisonous water
WAIT!
I'm still thirsty, don't drink it all yourself!
- - -
that serious face of beauty
rock-hard, dead-eyed beauty
I wear it too and I'm probably ashamed but I'm not sure yet.
- - -
just a little jittery from the jut-cliff of caffeine
ah, ah, aahhhh, it makes me thirsty to live.
ah, ah, ahhh, what lovely visions upon seeing
appearance vs. reality
appearance is reality
appearance is
disappearance
is
pardon me I need to piss.
- - -
at least somebody cares
but stop pretending cus I know you're too scared
to admit it.
- - -
christmas decorations already
I guess that makes sense if you're trying to
increase
your net
profit
prophet
- - -
pretty face you wear
fuck you for hiding your pretty face
- - -
do I qualify as some cultural absurdity
considering I'm sitting here
sipping coffee
writing poems
baby blue toque
comfy-patterned sweater?
what's better?
- - -
these dash-breaks don't annotate much
except implicit unity
yes, you know me.
- - -
not really sure
what to think
about that one
or that one
or that one
or
this
1
- - -
one of the men in a business suit
describes this place as
noisy
but quiet.
maybe he's not so
Mr. Cowardly Business
maybe I judged him over the
speed
limit.
- - -
Saturday, November 10, 2012
I've just realized
I still love every single ex-girlfriend I truly and honestly said I loved, and probably always will.
It feels really nice, to be honest.
It feels really nice, to be honest.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
97% of the people I love the most
are now spread in places near and far throughout the globe.
For example:
a best friend of mine is on his way to Thailand as I write these words;
my most recent ex-girlfriend I haven't spoken too since last June is now living in London;
the girl I had a fling with the summer afterwards is now in North Vancouver;
another friend of mine ended up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for schooling, and the guy she had a thing with, also a good friend of mine, now lives in Winnipeg...
but, it seems, despite this wide diversification of location.. the majority of my core-group of high-school friends departed to the city of Victoria successively over the course of the past year and a half.
At the beginning of last month, 3 of my very best and oldest friends left for their new home in Oak Bay, Victoria. As well.. an ex-girlfriend of mine who is now one of my best friends has been living there since not long after graduation.
The list goes on and on and on; but the point is, I have only 3 or 4 best friends left in this hometown of mine. One is a co-worker of 40 who I only recently met, and I can tell he has no designs on leaving Powell River for a very long time due to his position with a house and a wife.. another 2 are a couple who are, at the least, speaking of an intent to leave come this summer, most likely for a cross-Canada road trip. Another best friend proves to be elusive as hell most of the time, and as far as I know he has remained in Powell River, but has spoken of going to work on railroads in Alberta, or run off to partake in a solo road-trip throughout British Columbia.
It feels like all this radical uplift and diverse movement going on in my midst is some sort of telling sign; I know I want more than anything to leave this sleepy town and expand my horizons as 97% of my greatest friends have already begun doing. But I've decided on practicing restraint and practicality in the name of a job.
However, just to remind myself as I don't lose sight of my coming plans to radical movement and diversification in my life.. I plan on visiting friends in Victoria either later this month, or early December.. I'll be headed to England for 3 weeks with the family in March, and have a week to potentially explore Ireland or France.. I'll be headed to my second Diversity festival on Texada Island come July.. and I'll be off to independence and reunification with the majority of my closest friends in Victoria come September, as well as starting classes at Camosun College.
So, despite my perception of a serious lull and the accompanying melancholy which makes me feel as if it was me that moved away from everyone, as opposed to everyone away from me.. I would only be denying the rich experiences still left here in Powell River if I simply focus, teary-eyed, on the past, when everyone departed.. the present, missing them as it was.. and the future, impatient to shuffle myself away from home. It may recur every now and then, and it deserves the respect of a time and place.. but I don't need to grovel over it when I know I'll be looking back on these months a year from now in my new home wondering where it all went.
Perhaps I won't have the overt gratification of consistent parties, new friends, and potential girlfriends that I know the city would provide for me.. and which a part of me lusts for quite intensely from time to time.. but I will still have friends, incredible conversation, hundreds of immersive books, a creativity to hone, 2 incredibly interesting classes to attend come January, a rewarding job as well as job and financial security, a radio show to re-pursue, perhaps some incredible hiking escapades, and much to look forward to in the way of visits to Victoria, a trip to the British Isles, schooling, and moving away come September.
So I guess it's not that bad.
It is, really, whatever I make it.
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