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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

My Skin is Driving Me Crazy

I apologize, as I always do, for my long internet absence.. part of which wasn't my fault in the slightest, considering the blogger servers were out for some reason, but only for a couple days.
I've been having a pretty bad week, at least so far, anyways, due to my skin condition, known as eczema for those who aren't aware, which has been acting up incredibly for the past 2 days.

Usually, the condition affects my hands and my legs, but most seriously, both of my feet... yet I woke up on Monday morning, and it had spread like hives across my arms, as well as my back and chest. It's spread to those parts of my body before, but only temporarily.. about a week being the longest that I can remember, and then it disappeared by the beginning of the following week, from the said areas, anyways.
However, it's not the conditions affects on my chest, arms, back, hands, or legs that has been driving me crazy; I've lived with those ones since I was quite young, and yes, it has itched and hurt, but never to any insane extent that has kept me up at night. Yet that is exactly what has been happening for the past few days because of my feet, which have been acting up like crazy, itching in the middle of the night and waking me up at 3 AM, and causing me to be unable to go back to sleep, as I have to resist the incredible urge to scratch, as that will cause it not only to itch more, but to sting, ache, and burn as if I was in some recent industrial accident which involved me dipping my feet in acid. Sadly, our efforts to make it better via the quick fix made it only worse, by the looks of it, as yesterday, we went and paid a visit to the doctor, who was going to give me a higher dose of steroid cream, yet he also said there was an even higher dose that would heal it within 2 days, but with very real risks: the possibility that it would thin my skin, as well as the possibility that it would leave permanent stretch marks.
Deciding to take the risk in favor of my constant scratching, pain, and sleepless nights, not only did the itch seem to become magnified, I woke up in the morning screaming at myself and crying it hurt and itched so incredibly bad. Hauling myself downstairs, still crying like I was quickly going insane, my mom, thinking quickly, decided to bring me down to the beach, where I dipped both of my feet into the ocean. For now that seems to have helped incredibly. It's still getting slightly itchy, but no more than usual, although I'm thinking I should avoid that new cream as it's probably what caused this sudden breakdown.

Hopefully, the itch will die down (entirely, preferably, but more realistically, just so it's very slight every once in a while), and not only my feet, but my entire body will clear-up because of the sun being out for the summer months, which have, in the past, healed my eczema almost entirely, at least for about 4 months, until around December, when the cold air aggravates it once again.
Anyways, I just thought I'd pop on the give everyone a quick update on how I've been, as I've been so preoccupied and busy lately. More poems and new articles are coming your way, I promise you that, so keep on the look out for both of those things, and I hope you all have a fantastic week! Hopefully, mine becomes incredible too.

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The world is meaningless,

there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose.
All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well.
Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself.
Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it.
Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself".
Do not give in to hope.
Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it.
Whatever you do, do it for its own sake.
When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!".
Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own.
Live deliberately. You are free.