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Friday, January 13, 2012

I'm not quite sure what to say.

My experimental journey down to the Lower Mainland has been quite interesting, as well as quite rough in many aspects as well.

Although I may or may not be repeating myself in stating what has been good and bad about it, there have been many different sides to this strange adventure.
On the bright-side, I have tested the waters. I have discovered both places I would love to live, and places I would prefer never to live in again (no offence, Port Coquitlam, but suburbia just isn't for me).
I have also discovered what I may wish to do as a career, and what I certainly wish to leave and never return to as a job as soon as the first better opportunity presents itself (in this case, McDonald's has been everything I always expected it would be, and therefore decided I never wanted to apply to it... but alas, fate plays a cruel game called 'currency.' Regardless, I am glad I worked there, as I now have said experience to add to my life story and mental portfolio) and said opportunity has arisen in the form of A&W (which I have always admired much more than McDonald's for its better quality food, service, and general atmosphere).
Also on the bright-side, I have somewhat tasted the city life, albeit only tasted, as life in Coquitlam really has nothing on life right in the Downtown core. At some point in my life, I would like to live in Downtown Vancouver and spend a few years as an urbanite, making new friends, pursuing artistic endeavours, partying, and causing the friendly coffee baristas down the street to memorize my order off by heart. As well as possibly become a barista myself at some small-time quality coffee bar overlooking English Bay.

All in good time.

And one last point for the bright-side: working at McDonald's has also inspired me to go back to school earlier than I was expecting to. I am also returning to Powell River on January 26th. However, more detail on both of these upcoming events will come later in this post.

On the not-so-bright-side, it has been a stressful few months, and it seems as if said stress has taken its toll on my physical well-being coupled with other more environmentally motivated causes. My eczema has flared up again, but thankfully only severely on my right foot. However, an itchy/ painful flare-up on the bottom of said foot makes it hard to enjoy going on walks or standing for hours on end at whatever job I may be working at. It has also, I'm sure, contributed to (at least the sustainment of) my swollen lymph node and the ringing in my ears, as well as any coinciding anxiety. It's been just under 2 months, and my ears are still ringing. Not in any capacity that severely compromises my quality of life, but enough to be both disconcerting and annoying. The combination of a swollen lymph node, ringing in my ears, an eczema flare-up, and occasional anxiety has brought down my quality of life a notch collectively, but I have faith that, if no sooner, most of these symptoms (especially the eczema and lymph node) will subside as the spring and summer months draw closer. In fact... the lymph node has been dying down significantly in the past few days, so I wouldn't be surprised to see it gone by the end of the month.

Beyond my blabbering about my seemingly not-so-pristine health at the moment, I'll update you all on 2 large developments in my life that are now hurtling my way: my imminent return to Powell River, which includes a return to the airwaves with my radio show 'Intrigue' on 90.1 FM CJMP, and my attending post-secondary this September. Although it is most likely returning to school is what I'll be doing, I've made a back-up plan inside of my head: in the event that I don't get accepted to the school and/or program of my choice, or I do not get a student loan, whether simply not a sufficient amount or I am not eligible for one at all, I am going to work and save money for the next 6 months regardless with school being my target. But if said target cannot be hit, I will use the money instead to travel. Where? I have no idea as of yet, as that's plan B, and not plan A.
Another 2 options that are on the table couple both travel and school together; one is the novel idea of moving to India as an international student to attend the University of Delhi, which costs 5000 rupees in tuition fees. 5000 rupees, however, averages out to about $98 Canadian. Which is an absolutely insane bargain, especially considering the plane ride would cost an infinite amount more than that. Another idea sticks closer to home for the time being; and that's looking into a co-op exchange program of some sort where I attend a Semester or 2 in an available college or university via whatever college or university I will be attending. In some ways, the co-op is probably more favourable, as it isn't as long-term as committing myself to school in India would be. As well, the culture of the co-op country would probably be more familiar then that of India, so the culture shock factor would be less of an issue.

But India would be an interesting option.. and it's certainly not off the table.
Especially considering the money I'd save.

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The world is meaningless,

there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose.
All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well.
Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself.
Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it.
Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself".
Do not give in to hope.
Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it.
Whatever you do, do it for its own sake.
When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!".
Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own.
Live deliberately. You are free.