On Anxiety and Ecstasy

It seems to be, in my mind, a great battle between the two.
To me, it embodies many of the great religious themes of the past 3000 years. Most pertinently referenced, however, is the ancient precursor to Judaeo-Christian civilization itself: the Bible.

As Charlie Chaplin so beautifully summed-up in his closing speech to the 1940's anti-fascist film "The Great Dictator," (which now seems to sum-up, within an entirely subjective perspective, many of the social movements which occurred following the Second World War, including Occupy Wall Street):
"In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written "the kingdom of God is within man" - not one man, nor a group of men - but in all men - in you, the people."

It is this truth which holds itself below the very nose of us all, more than ready to be discovered. It does not need to be earned or sought; it is simply there. However... most of us neglect to notice its very existence; and this would not be so much of an issue if it were not for the fact that ignorance to its very presence causes (most predominantly in the Western world) the individual to believe the only extreme transcendental discovery available to them is this terrible embracing of fear and loathing. In other words: a complete acceptance of a dismal post-modernity in which one truly is nothing more than a customer service assistant with 7/11, or a slug-minded office worker afflicted with deep-set apathy which succeeds in doing nothing more than concealing their great inner depression and animosity towards what they see as the curse of existence.

It is strange, however, that such an attitude proves that Heaven and Hell really do exist upon this very Earth. As is stated in enigmatic transience during Robert Linklater's 2001 film, "Waking Life":
"In hell, you sink to the level of your lack of love. In heaven you rise to the level of your fullness of love."

Some come to this 'ultimatum' of sorts earlier in their lives than others; but absolutely everyone.. no matter how long they are able to ward it off.. must face it eventually, and choose between the options presented: either a deep, endless, unconditional love for existence itself.. or a great endless animosity and fear in which whether or not to commit suicide becomes the basis of all philosophy and thought on the matter.
Much hypocrisy exists within these choices, however, as in reality, both require the others contrast to exist in the first place. Positive implies negative, and negative implies positive. It is only the one you decide to feed which will grow to become your focus and the very framework of your reality, regardless of what fortunes or misfortunes you will encounter over the course of your life, and what strange, beautiful intricacies will twist your head in wonder as to what the meaning of truth could truly be.

I find this ultimatum is quite quickly presented to those of a philosophical nature. I know it was certainly presented to me on numerous occasions, and I made my choice whether I was aware of it or not.
That's not to say that any 'choice,' whether conscious or unconscious, is final... as I have experienced both to peak extremes.. but it is to say this:
I have found that, through laziness and fear of braving existential terrain, I have submitted myself to hell on more occasions than one. It was, in my mind, an attempt at ignoring and bypassing the ultimatum because I felt like I no longer wished to choose, which was, ironically, a choice. And it was the last choice any of us consciously wish to make.

I began to have panic attacks in which I feared the very fact that I existed, and every little detail.. including the fact that I was thinking about the fact that it was too strange a fact that I existed.. sent me on a whirlwind of existential and philosophical despair; I did not understand the power of my own mind when I decided not to decide, and in doing so, made a decision. My mind, being as conscious and aware as it is, needed to make a choice. I was not like the airy, un-philosophical majority which rarely (if ever) dabble in the matters of existence itself. I did not have ignorance enough to post-pone the choice.

Luckily.. it's never too late. I pulled myself away from the precipice of my attempt at feigning ignorance. I came to many quick realizations as a result, and am now consciously set on loving all of existence unconditionally and completely regardless of any of my fortunes or misfortunes. Of course, I still feel like I am towing the line and have much to learn, but it is a will to the positive that takes a true effort; and it is a will to the negative that takes apathy, laziness, and fear, yet leads to nowhere fulfilling, and is simply no more than a cheap waste of something so incomprehensibly incredible, its incredulity becomes frightening to the small mind.

In a psychoanalytical sense, anxiety is a preoccupation with worst-case scenario 'what-if's,' while ecstasy is a lack of preoccupation, and nothing more than a true and simple occupancy and full awareness of the moment as an incredible and beautiful whole. Complete polar opposites.

It's quite obvious that there are very few people who can truly remain within an extreme forever. Eventually, whether you are in Hell on Earth or Heaven on Earth, you must return to Earth on Earth. The thing is, it is like the red and blue pill. Even when you do return to Earth on Earth, the decision remains as your state of mind. And although you can feel centered, you will still feel the pull of Heaven, or the pull of Hell.

The choice is ours, amigos.