Schicklgruber

My dad has told me, on multiple occasions, that it's possible to gain the same feelings drugs give you in sobriety. 

I always smile and nod politely while I think about how terrifying it'd be to start tripping on acid when you know for a fact that you never consumed any. 

It's absolutely ridiculous to think you can gain the same psychological states you can in using while maintaining sobriety. 

To be fair, I know that none of what I just said is what he really meant. What he did mean is that the peace, the contentedness, the conquest of fear and misfortune and death found temporarily within any form of substance abuse is, indeed, possible to achieve in a life of sobriety.    

But come on, dad. Some people really do want to take that express route to dulling themselves, hallucinating, easing the pain, loving without bounds, and understanding their meaning in this very strange existence. 

Honestly, as someone famous or at least quote-worthy based on a statement once said: I'd rather die 10 years too early than 10 minutes too late. Any contrary intuition would assume MySpace still exists, or Hunter S. Thompson died peacefully of natural causes in a hospital. 

Think about it. If Hitler had died in 1923, not only would life be better for the citizens of, at least, the Western Countries... but most particularly Europe and the European Jewish population. 

But it'd also have been better for him in the end. 

I mean, who likes being injected with a triple mix of heroin, methamphetamine, and rat poison while trapped in a claustrophobic underground dungeon with those who quite literally hate you in their bones closing in on all sides? 

All I'm saying, folks, is that Hitler was a better artist than politician. Artists don't generally kill each other over concerns of one or more gaining greater fame and, thus, influence in the art world. 


* * *

There's another funny story about Hitler which would most certainly have changed the trajectory of his entire life. His father was born out of wedlock, and no one was ever able to discover who Adolf's paternal grandfather was, meaning this said paternal grandfather could have been a Jew. Hitler was never able to pass his own 'racial purity' tests based on his own strict doctrine. 

As well, his father's name at birth was Alois Schicklgruber. If Alois hadn't married this Austrian gal named Anna and then used her to convince the Austrian authorities that Anna's cousin, Klara, was also Alois' first cousin once removed, he'd have never adopted the last name of Hitler.

Just imagine it.

"Hail Schicklgruber!"