cafe poetic anthology vol. 1

the sounds of a crowded cafe
ca-caw! like a crow, everybody's crowing something
each a beautiful story dressed in winter hop-scotch
or a poorer story dressed in a business suit.

who knows
perhaps it's like a rich chocolate covered in a wrapper
and that business suit is to be peeled off soon
enjoy the sweet treat underneath

but I can always tell when someone is selling themselves
because they look like a city map
drawn to design

I guess try-hards are alright when they polish like diamonds
except the beauty of a diamond is not faked
the beauty of the diamond hides itself underground, to show that the deeper you go
the greater it gets

so why manicure?
why manicure, Mr. Business Cowardly,
are you afraid of yourself?

- - -

I probably moved on in observation a few moments later when I realized the pretty girls across the way whom I used to go to high-school with
never did I once speak with them
I felt no need
because I knew they manicured themselves to avoid the fact that the diamonds underneath were either hidden away to be kept for themselves
or just
never there?

the wailing baby is the bravest
the wailing baby is the greatest
the wailing baby understands the grand stand by remaining unstood

fine, fine wailing baby
you are God and you already know it
but get ready to forget because Mr. Cowardly Business
and Mrs. Manicured Face will eat you too
and leave you soulless until you're soulful

the daily drain of the soul into an unholy grail.

let the world sip from the cup like a poisonous water
WAIT!
I'm still thirsty, don't drink it all yourself!

- - -

that serious face of beauty
rock-hard, dead-eyed beauty
I wear it too and I'm probably ashamed but I'm not sure yet.

- - -

just a little jittery from the jut-cliff of caffeine
ah, ah, aahhhh, it makes me thirsty to live.

ah, ah, ahhh, what lovely visions upon seeing
appearance vs. reality
appearance is reality
appearance is
disappearance
is
pardon me I need to piss.

- - -

at least somebody cares
but stop pretending cus I know you're too scared
to admit it.

- - -

christmas decorations already
I guess that makes sense if you're trying to
increase
your net
profit

prophet

- - -

pretty face you wear
fuck you for hiding your pretty face

- - -

do I qualify as some cultural absurdity
considering I'm sitting here
sipping coffee
writing poems
baby blue toque
comfy-patterned sweater?

what's better?

- - -

these dash-breaks don't annotate much
except implicit unity

yes, you know me.

- - -

not really sure
what to think
about that one

or that one

or that one

or
this
1

- - -

one of the men in a business suit
describes this place as
noisy

but quiet.

maybe he's not so
Mr. Cowardly Business

maybe I judged him over the
speed
limit.

- - -

I've just realized

I still love every single ex-girlfriend I truly and honestly said I loved, and probably always will.

It feels really nice, to be honest.

97% of the people I love the most

are now spread in places near and far throughout the globe.

For example: 

a best friend of mine is on his way to Thailand as I write these words;

my most recent ex-girlfriend I haven't spoken too since last June is now living in London; 

the girl I had a fling with the summer afterwards is now in North Vancouver;

another friend of mine ended up in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania for schooling, and the guy she had a thing with, also a good friend of mine, now lives in Winnipeg...

but, it seems, despite this wide diversification of location.. the majority of my core-group of high-school friends departed to the city of Victoria successively over the course of the past year and a half. 

At the beginning of last month, 3 of my very best and oldest friends left for their new home in Oak Bay, Victoria. As well.. an ex-girlfriend of mine who is now one of my best friends has been living there since not long after graduation. 

The list goes on and on and on; but the point is, I have only 3 or 4 best friends left in this hometown of mine. One is a co-worker of 40 who I only recently met, and I can tell he has no designs on leaving Powell River for a very long time due to his position with a house and a wife.. another 2 are a couple who are, at the least, speaking of an intent to leave come this summer, most likely for a cross-Canada road trip. Another best friend proves to be elusive as hell most of the time, and as far as I know he has remained in Powell River, but has spoken of going to work on railroads in Alberta, or run off to partake in a solo road-trip throughout British Columbia.  

It feels like all this radical uplift and diverse movement going on in my midst is some sort of telling sign; I know I want more than anything to leave this sleepy town and expand my horizons as 97% of my greatest friends have already begun doing. But I've decided on practicing restraint and practicality in the name of a job.

However, just to remind myself as I don't lose sight of my coming plans to radical movement and diversification in my life.. I plan on visiting friends in Victoria either later this month, or early December.. I'll be headed to England for 3 weeks with the family in March, and have a week to potentially explore Ireland or France.. I'll be headed to my second Diversity festival on Texada Island come July.. and I'll be off to independence and reunification with the majority of my closest friends in Victoria come September, as well as starting classes at Camosun College.

So, despite my perception of a serious lull and the accompanying melancholy which makes me feel as if it was me that moved away from everyone, as opposed to everyone away from me.. I would only be denying the rich experiences still left here in Powell River if I simply focus, teary-eyed, on the past, when everyone departed.. the present, missing them as it was.. and the future, impatient to shuffle myself away from home. It may recur every now and then, and it deserves the respect of a time and place.. but I don't need to grovel over it when I know I'll be looking back on these months a year from now in my new home wondering where it all went.

Perhaps I won't have the overt gratification of consistent parties, new friends, and potential girlfriends that I know the city would provide for me.. and which a part of me lusts for quite intensely from time to time.. but I will still have friends, incredible conversation, hundreds of immersive books, a creativity to hone, 2 incredibly interesting classes to attend come January, a rewarding job as well as job and financial security, a radio show to re-pursue, perhaps some incredible hiking escapades, and much to look forward to in the way of visits to Victoria, a trip to the British Isles, schooling, and moving away come September.

So I guess it's not that bad. 

It is, really, whatever I make it.

"Poll finds fresh increase in US racism," Romney still leads in the polls; America fancy's itself the king but has only snatched control because of a deep backwardness, ignorance, and general insecurity (possessed by all nations who feel they need to subjugate and create great empires of inner and outer despair)

Many empires of old have held greater virtue than the modern American strain.

It's beyond a matter of happy, sad, right and wrong now. It is a case of hopeless ignorance beyond what was previously believed possible for any nation, save for those who are openly perceived as backwards and as such stigmatized on the great stage of world affairs.

I ache with an inner pain for the world as a result of such a dismal 'reality;' one which I know truly and stubbornly permeates the worldviews of many who hold high office within the most powerful empire on Earth.

How the fuck
is all I can really say.

The United States of America is part of the real third world.

Two Gods in Bed

the music climbs like a mystic rummaging layer by layer upon steps of wood leading to the mundane middle of a bedroom
'meditation leads to sleep, we are in the perfect place!' he smiles
Christ, you're like Christ
I think.

all of a sudden he is lying on my bed, sleeping, arms outstretched,
and I climb into my side of the bed, he pulls closer
wraps his arms around me and says
"Christ, you're like Christ,"

I turn to him slowly and smile
all of the sudden God falls asleep.

The Wind

did the wind ever catch you sleeping?

alone like a cordless phone off the hook, where's the charge 

beyond the imaginings of the long-haired girl standing in the open rain wondering, wondering, wondering

what?

wondering if it was true

if it was true that the cold of a cozy bed in the middle of a warm December night was anymore than a dream

or if the person she spoke to was a figment of her imagination 

because human is a hoax, each from the same source like every fallen leaf floats from the same tree

so would that not mean that the entire universe is just 

one

great

big

schizophrenia?

or, is it the happy clutches of a child in want of your embrace that reminds you of the sad clutches of a child in want of your embrace?

because the sun doesn't go down, it goes around

and the moon isn't half, nor the stars just a spec

nor a grain of sand just a grain of sand because a cosmos is a cosmos no matter how large

small

or mildly tasted like a long-shot espresso will never taste a tongue

can the words ever really tell you much more than the words? 

if a cosmos is a cosmos, the words will tell you the cosmos

the cosmos, the very essence of the sweet silk and the clammy touch of a lover after a rainy winter walk

the warming of the lips upon lips 

or the clamp of the seven AM alarm 

a great big 'fuck you' to many, a reminder to 'wake up and love' for the lucky

and the wind; the dastardly, beautiful, realist wind!

where was I when you always arrive?

so I'm asking you 

look inside of yourself and think:

did the wind ever catch you sleeping?

Nothing too exciting, just a simple update

Hello blogspot!

No need to apologize for a prolonged length of absence this time around, as only 2 or 3 days ago I posted my inflammatory opinionated expose on the current American elections titled The Selfish Pursuit of Power.

I've been getting much feedback from co-workers, friends, and family on the piece- all of which has been quite positive, encouraging me to carve out my niche in the used style of writing (bringing stream-of-consciousness prose to articles and works of a political nature). 

However; I really had to liberate the time and spur the inspiration from my busy work-week to write the article, despite it's short-length. 

On Thursday night, after getting off work at 4 PM, I headed straight to a local coffee shop and made sure to get consistent refills as I hashed out the piece on the new laptop I purchased last week. As soon as one coffee shop closed, I migrated to another, driving myself a bit too far with obscene caffeination (which I tend to do every now and then like a drug-junky may with other psychoactives). By the time I got home, I realized going to bed would be redundant as I would simply spend the whole night rolling back and forth becoming more and more frustrated as the hours ticked by, so I instead decided to stay up and read the news until the wee hours of the morning when, finally, I felt sufficiently exhausted enough to attempt slumber.

I ended up getting between 4 and 6 hours of sleep that night, but it was very much worth it; despite my zombie-like apathy which I attempted to stave off with more caffeination, only to crash even harder by the end of the day. Needless to say, I slept alright the next night. 

I've been working.. for the second time in my life.. what feels like a very 'status quo' job; Monday to Friday, 9 to 4. 

I'm working palliative care/ social work, and somehow.. despite the fact that I don't even have a license and have only been working with the company since the end of July.. I've ended up with said full-time position as a clients key worker; the client being a young man exactly my age (19) who is a recovering drug addict from the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver. He has some further issues; but none I'm going to discuss for the sake of privacy.

It's a well-paying job.. allowing me to buy the very computer I type to you from.. as well as save-up for a family jaunt to England in March and post-secondary next September.. and it really is the most fulfilling of all the jobs I've worked, but I find myself mentally exhausted by the end of each work-week, rarely wishing to do more than placate at home on a Friday night and just sleep, sleep, sleep to my hearts content. 

As well, due to the conventional hours, it's been hard to get together with a best friend of mine due to our conflicting work-schedules; so the only times I've really seen him have been on the odd occasion once every couple of weeks, or when I drop by his workplace to say hi, whereas prior we were hanging out upwards of every second day, if not more.

I doubt we'll lose each other, but it does feel like a massive injustice to have the monetary oppression keep us apart.

The radio show also ran into disarray about 2 or 3 weeks back due to my stupidity and being absolutely wasted on-air, on the first night we were working with the stations new soundboard. It led to the show going 'on probation,' and a mutual decision between the 3 of us to simply take a 3-week break and hash out a brand new idea for the shows general and specific premise.. which we have yet to do, and our 3 week timeframe is coming to an imminent close. 

However; it was nice that such a catastrophe just so happened to be a brighter opportunity in disguise. 

Powell River still has a different hue than it used to between this new and rather intense nature of work I'm in, as well as 95% of my old high-school friends disappearing from the face of my world to explore other parts of theirs. I miss all of them in some way, shape, or form and feel a consequent melancholy from time to time as a result.. but what really stirs a passion and melancholy in me is the thought that, not only was I supposed to be going with them.. I really, really wish I had. However, for the first time in my life, practicality trumped confused passion and I decided to stay back for the jobs experience and saving potential. 

I am absolutely committed to leaving come next September, though. 

Anyways, that's what I've been up to as of late. 

I love you blue planet, have a great week!