The Game

Looks like I missed work for the day.

Having misread the schedule during my previous shift on the Friday of last week, I was sitting quietly on my computer in my Medal of Honor pajamas, unshaved and unshowered, watching Ram Dass rants on LSD trips and listening to what is apparently the 'original' and 'real' kind of Dubstep, Phaeleh's The Cold In You, when I got an unexpected call from my boss.

Sounding perturbed, probably due to the fact that I'm still a 'rookie in training' and I had failed to show up for work, he told me that I apparently worked today, and not tomorrow as I had originally believed.
Turns out, I read the schedule... which was strangely unlabeled in terms of days... as if it started on Mondays, when in fact, the weekly schedules start on Sundays, causing me to be a day ahead. Checking bus times, I scrambled out of my seat and upstairs, coffee in hand, to shower as fast as humanly possible in order to catch the next bus which was leaving in 12 minutes.

There was no way I was going to show up like I was, having not showered nor shaven for 2 days straight. I had to at least make an attempt at blitzing hygiene; so I stripped down, stuck my head in the shower, lathered my hair, rinsed it, realized I hadn't grabbed a towel, bolted it downstairs, naked and wet, dripping water like the blood of an injured horror movie protagonist who, being the last alive, had finally managed to get hurt and was now making an attempt to limp to safety.

Drying my hair as I ran back up the stairs with a towel in hand, I checked the clock to see I had 4 minutes to dress, grab the rest of my things, shave, and get out the door.
Instead, I decided to take a bit of a leap and simply call my boss.

Apologizing profusely, I explained my mistake and how there was no way I was going to make the next bus, and would instead have to wait an hour before I could head to work. I attempted to make amends and see if there was any shift I could fill instead tomorrow, but apparently, there had been a trainer organized to work with me this shift and therefore it would just be better if I didn't worry about making it today and instead just showed up at my next scheduled shift on Thursday.

Still apologizing profusely yet in a calm, 'oh-well-I-made-an-honest-mistake' demeanor, I said that worked for me, and bid my boss a friendly farewell before I hung up and then began to chuckle a bit.
Although I thought it was a shame I had missed the shift, both in terms of money and making sure my bosses know I'm actually quite a responsible young man, I didn't feel bad about it. It really had been nothing more than an honest mistake, whereas if this exact same scenario had panned itself out 2 months prior, I would have felt a sort of dead-weight fuck-up causing my stomach to tie itself in endless knots. But this time around, I realized that, although I had inadvertently broken the rules, it wasn't such a terrible thing because all I'm doing.. all any of us are doing as part of any society anywhere in the world.. is playing a strange, intricate game. And although breaking the rules and making mistakes are no way to earn a high-score, you lose nothing but a few symbolic points in the process of rule breaking and mistake making. Sometimes, if you're skilled enough and know how to play the game well, rule breaking or, in some cases, rule making, can lead to incredible success or, in keeping with the metaphor or points and games, lead to an incredibly high-score.

However, I'm going to hope this is only a first strike, and that I won't be fired over it. And in keeping with playing the game correctly, I'm going to make sure I don't make the same mistake twice.

Since I'm missing work, I may very well get around to writing.. or, at the very least, starting.. a brand-new full-fledged article for my blog. The first in a very long time.

So keep your eyes peeled! It's a Friendly Inferno! is back, baby.

The Observatory for the Ordinary and Extraordinary (Which are Both One and the Same)

Some of us never see beyond the veil.

Some of us live constricted
And act rough and unafflicted
Like a crocodile caught in the choke of a boa constrictor

Dying
Everyday
We wish to live.

Some of us never feel beyond our television set

And when the bet is on for the black stallion
We watch with eyes gone wide
And wide
And wider still

Until

The race is won.

It's done!
The illusion was fun,
But it wasn't your win.

It was symbolic and yes
Yes
Yes,
You took sides.

You thought you could know who was wrong,
Who could ride...

But that tide was a movement far distant from you.

And you laughed
And you cried.
You were born
And you died.

In your blank, black worn stare
You decided to confide
In the screen.

A box, a machine
Representing a reality you ceased to believe
Could exist.

Some of us never manage to truly face a challenge

Because life exists freely upon great silver platters,
And the whole great wide world waits like a buffet
Free of line-ups
So all food and thought is conveyed
To your brain

Like old, stale bread.

Somethings not right;
Beyond thought, left unsaid.

And through all doors of suffering,
You kick and you scream!

"This is not how they said it would be on TV!"

So despite all the knowledge,
And your free Goddamn college
University never taught you to truly acknowledge
The great Godly cosmos
Or the holy osmosis of truth and contraption of stars spread like roses
In minds
Afflicted by
The human condition.

We're all on a mission.

Some of us say there's a great old technician
Who paid our tuition
To the great school of life
Yet admission
was granted
to few.

Contradiction, I find to be honest contrast
Like AdBusters right next to old capitalist class
Or a pet on the cheek to a slap on the ass,

Now the bell rings;

Nothing good ever lasts
But the point all along has been to learn how to dance

To the music.

My beautiful girl.

It's hard to sit alone at home
And wonder where you are.

I trust your safe and comfortable,
But why are you so far?

It's hard to lay to sleep at night
And know you won't be there
For me to love and to embrace
In winters morning air.

It's hard to wonder when I'll see your face
As close to mine
So kisses are not tugging memories..
But all the time.

It's hard to think that
During these 5 months of loving you
I've seen you for, at most, 3 weeks;
Inside my heart, you staged a coup.

I cry a lot
Because your face is rarely close to mine;
I neglect to mention all these tears most of the time

Because I chose this
And chose you
Despite the constant pain

Relief is only ever, at the most, a month away.

Yet I also hold out hope that you and I
Will someday be
Close to near-inseparable
And in love
Yet always free.

But.. for now
I've sentenced both my body and my mind
To missing you
Yet feeling it's a soul-mate that I find

Within your essence and your everything;
Yes, I love more
Of you than you could ever know exists;
Please know, that I am yours.

Fuck American universalism

is a new Facebook page I have created.
I am trying to get a strong following in order to make resistance obvious, so please, go like the page and add your input!
Fuck American universalism (on Facebook)
The United States believes it has a defacto authority over the rest of the planet whether it's via free-market economics, military strength, or international law and general influence, the United States has not only diminished civil liberties within its own borders; it is spreading its regressive policies forcefully throughout the world. Most recently, it is affecting the individual lives of each of us as well as the free world via attempts at passing legislation such as SOPA and PIPA, and supporting international legislature such as ACTA, all of which, if they are to pass into law, will effectively end internet freedom and therefore diminish civil liberties in the real world as well. The United States has, despite exiting Iraq, practiced its doctrine of preemptive warfare against Libya and Uganda, as well as amped-up its involvement in Afghanistan where it has been fighting an impossible war for 9 years now, ending hundreds of thousands of innocent lives and negatively affecting the worlds political and environmental health.It's time to stand-up to America and stop its corporate, military, virtual, and judicial expansionism before it effectively brings an end to the free world as we know it.

Quiet guns

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns
Go off inside my head.

Always thoughts of dreaming, falling fast inside my bed.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
From all the books I've read.

Always thoughts of falling, falling fast inside my head.

And should the sun speak in French tongues,
I know the words quite well.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
From all the bombs that fell.

And happiness is always seen,
Beneath its faded shroud;
But never when we feel it free,
Of pain and darkened clouds.

Metaphors and thoughts of death,
I've never seen to see;
I simply look and stare with awe,
I wish to simply be.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
Acknowledgement hurts truth.

Acknowledgement is relative;
These words do more than soothe.

Immortal in my mortal mind,
Yet frightened of the void.
I draw myself with hook and tie;
So far I have enjoyed
The ride.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
My throat is filled with lumps;
A sign, perhaps, that I am young,
And hit my first speed bump.

My feet, they weep in pain, inflamed,
My ears, they ring like screens.
Perhaps I'm rushing through this game,
As sadness tears the seams,
Of what seemed to be some sort of Zen,
A freedom cloud.

Regardless of this pain and sound,
I wish to live out loud,
And see the world in better health;
I'll make the dead me proud.

Quiet guns,
Quiet guns,
Go off inside my head.

Always thoughts of dreaming, falling fast
Inside my bed.

I'm not quite sure what to say.

My experimental journey down to the Lower Mainland has been quite interesting, as well as quite rough in many aspects as well.

Although I may or may not be repeating myself in stating what has been good and bad about it, there have been many different sides to this strange adventure.
On the bright-side, I have tested the waters. I have discovered both places I would love to live, and places I would prefer never to live in again (no offence, Port Coquitlam, but suburbia just isn't for me).
I have also discovered what I may wish to do as a career, and what I certainly wish to leave and never return to as a job as soon as the first better opportunity presents itself (in this case, McDonald's has been everything I always expected it would be, and therefore decided I never wanted to apply to it... but alas, fate plays a cruel game called 'currency.' Regardless, I am glad I worked there, as I now have said experience to add to my life story and mental portfolio) and said opportunity has arisen in the form of A&W (which I have always admired much more than McDonald's for its better quality food, service, and general atmosphere).
Also on the bright-side, I have somewhat tasted the city life, albeit only tasted, as life in Coquitlam really has nothing on life right in the Downtown core. At some point in my life, I would like to live in Downtown Vancouver and spend a few years as an urbanite, making new friends, pursuing artistic endeavours, partying, and causing the friendly coffee baristas down the street to memorize my order off by heart. As well as possibly become a barista myself at some small-time quality coffee bar overlooking English Bay.

All in good time.

And one last point for the bright-side: working at McDonald's has also inspired me to go back to school earlier than I was expecting to. I am also returning to Powell River on January 26th. However, more detail on both of these upcoming events will come later in this post.

On the not-so-bright-side, it has been a stressful few months, and it seems as if said stress has taken its toll on my physical well-being coupled with other more environmentally motivated causes. My eczema has flared up again, but thankfully only severely on my right foot. However, an itchy/ painful flare-up on the bottom of said foot makes it hard to enjoy going on walks or standing for hours on end at whatever job I may be working at. It has also, I'm sure, contributed to (at least the sustainment of) my swollen lymph node and the ringing in my ears, as well as any coinciding anxiety. It's been just under 2 months, and my ears are still ringing. Not in any capacity that severely compromises my quality of life, but enough to be both disconcerting and annoying. The combination of a swollen lymph node, ringing in my ears, an eczema flare-up, and occasional anxiety has brought down my quality of life a notch collectively, but I have faith that, if no sooner, most of these symptoms (especially the eczema and lymph node) will subside as the spring and summer months draw closer. In fact... the lymph node has been dying down significantly in the past few days, so I wouldn't be surprised to see it gone by the end of the month.

Beyond my blabbering about my seemingly not-so-pristine health at the moment, I'll update you all on 2 large developments in my life that are now hurtling my way: my imminent return to Powell River, which includes a return to the airwaves with my radio show 'Intrigue' on 90.1 FM CJMP, and my attending post-secondary this September. Although it is most likely returning to school is what I'll be doing, I've made a back-up plan inside of my head: in the event that I don't get accepted to the school and/or program of my choice, or I do not get a student loan, whether simply not a sufficient amount or I am not eligible for one at all, I am going to work and save money for the next 6 months regardless with school being my target. But if said target cannot be hit, I will use the money instead to travel. Where? I have no idea as of yet, as that's plan B, and not plan A.
Another 2 options that are on the table couple both travel and school together; one is the novel idea of moving to India as an international student to attend the University of Delhi, which costs 5000 rupees in tuition fees. 5000 rupees, however, averages out to about $98 Canadian. Which is an absolutely insane bargain, especially considering the plane ride would cost an infinite amount more than that. Another idea sticks closer to home for the time being; and that's looking into a co-op exchange program of some sort where I attend a Semester or 2 in an available college or university via whatever college or university I will be attending. In some ways, the co-op is probably more favourable, as it isn't as long-term as committing myself to school in India would be. As well, the culture of the co-op country would probably be more familiar then that of India, so the culture shock factor would be less of an issue.

But India would be an interesting option.. and it's certainly not off the table.
Especially considering the money I'd save.

Happy New Years, Planet Earth!

Well, it is now officially 2012, according to the Gregorian calendar.

I returned from a generally good night of partying at around 10 AM this morning, only to fall asleep until 1 in the afternoon because of exhaustion due, in the most part, to sleeping on a hardwood floor in a friends bedroom with my hungover girlfriend and loud friends who didn't get to sleep until 4 or 5 in the morning, and who all decided to wake up en masse only a few hours later at around 8:30.

Either way, we rung in the New Years with an appropriate amount of beer, vodka, champagne, and wine, as well as loud music, explicitly dirty jokes, and "I love you's."
The ringing in my ears has yet to subside, however, and the alcohol as well as the music probably made it worse as it became loud to the point of my becoming miserable over it when I made an attempt at sleeping without the assistance of ambient music and sounds to properly lull me into the dream world. My lymph node, which is no longer swollen but is still aching and continues to be worrisome as well as uncomfortable, was also bothering me last night, and was also probably exasperated by alcohol.

I have a doctors appointment on the 3rd, however, so hopefully that gives me some proper answers as to what it is, and what I can do about it.

Coming home has been great, and seeing everyone I love has been ever greater. I am still considering what I mentioned in the previous post (such as potentially moving back), but I've decided to give the Lower Mainland at least a couple more months to prove itself a worthy home before I take such a large step (whether it's forward or backwards, I have yet to decide). I do hope my seemingly perpetually being ill subsides soon, and I can return to living life without any phantom sounds in my ears, and without the accompanying anxiety prolonged illness brings. However significant my problems may be to me, I doubt the world really enjoys when I grovel on about them, so I'll stop now before my mind decides to rant in order to calm itself.

According to 2 yearly astrology books I've flipped through in different book and superstores, 2012 is going to be a very good year for me, with only some minor issues along the way. In this case, let's hope astrology has some reasonable traction (not that 2011 was a bad year! Although it did have its moments, as every year inevitably does).

However, I've got some plans to make with some friends of mine, as well as some time to spend with my family, so peace out blue planet, and have a very happy New Year.