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Sunday, September 26, 2010

Abit of an Undercurrent, as if a Tap Left Running.

Hello cyberspace! I'd say there is no need to apologize for my absence this time around, as it has been brief, as far as I can tell.
I just thought I'd leave everyone with abit of an update on the status of this blog, as well as a few other helpful tidbits of information, as well as what I've been up to since I last posted.

First things first; although I haven't got much of a chance to post as of late (in general, at least), I thought I'd just give everyone a heads-up: this blog will remain in constant use by myself for as long into the future as is foreseeable, but my school and social lives are both getting quite hectic, especially considering the onset of my 12th and final year in school. Lately, I've been feeling abit smothered, and in the back of my mind, abit nervous. Why, or for what, I'm not sure.
It seems as if my life is slowly transitioning into something I'm ready for, yet not quite ready to embrace with open arms: the life of an adult.
Most of my friends, and most outspokenly, both of my parents, all seem to think I should get a job, and I think I should as well, and should really start looking into that this week, as I've finally got a pile of resumes printed out and ready to be handed out to the town employers. For some reason, I'm abit afraid to get a job, as I feel it'd seal the deal with that drastic change that's inevitably barreling towards me like a semi-truck with broken brakes, and it's not like I can resist it, as I'd like to embrace it, but at the same time, I'm afraid to embrace it too soon.

Alongside, although possibly in part because of this, I've been feeling a slight undercurrent of discontent within myself, as I seem to be developing romantic feelings for someone who just so happens to be 3 years younger than me, and this is bothering me not so much because of the age difference, but because I feel as if these feelings are manifesting themselves to quickly (as I only met her last Thursday at a dance), like they did back when I was this girls age, and every relationship was an innocent and quick affair; so in a sense, it's as if my romantic maturity is regressing, but I guess I've got to brave it out and let my common sense endure. It bothers me in another context, as I don't believe in casual relationships. When I get into a relationship, I assume it's a serious one to begin with, as it seems to be that technically, there is no such thing as short-term relationships; just long-term relationships that were cut short for a legion of different reasons, the bothersome reason in this case being that if I was to get into a relationship with her, or someone her age, I'd have to figure out what the both of us would do once I graduated, as the longest I would probably stick around would be until September of next year, after which I plan on moving to Victoria with a couple of my best friends. Although... all of this could just be wishful thinking on my part, as I only just met her, and I am hardly in a place to say that we are going to be in a relationship, although it would be nice to have a girlfriend again, and her and I both have alot in common. I don't know. Usually, I would opt not to rant about something of this nature, as it's quite personal; but I felt as if I really needed a place to vent this into words this time around, as it really is getting under my skin, in a sense.

Anyways, second of all, a bit of information that the readers of my blog may like to know is that I've published an eBook of 20 of my poems, and have also published, extensively, my poetry on the website Hello Poetry, which is free to read (and there just so happens to be a couple poems on there that have yet to be published to my blog, and may well never be).

It's about 11:20 PM on a school night, and I'm feeling pretty tired, so I think I'm going to head off and hit the sack. The philosophy articles that I promised you in August are on there way, but they've been postponed until further notice due to all the above reasoning's, so you will see them, but as to when, I'm about as clueless as you are.
Good night blue planet.

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The world is meaningless,

there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose.
All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well.
Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself.
Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it.
Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself".
Do not give in to hope.
Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it.
Whatever you do, do it for its own sake.
When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!".
Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own.
Live deliberately. You are free.