I realized something today.
Behind every 'player,' wannabe-player, boy who is now reluctant to seek out love and instead wishes to indulge in friends-with-benefits, or man who has put-up emotional defenses and taught himself to look no further than sex or sexual encounters, there is a woman who broke his heart.
This doesn't apply to me so much as it does to some people I know, and looking back, I realize there really was a woman (or, at this age, a 'girl' might seem like a more appropriate title) that broke their heart.
I know that after my most recent thing with a girl, I am not looking to love anyone for awhile, and am very much content in being single for the time being. Although, if a shot at a relationship does appear, I think I'll make an attempt at friends-with-benefits. If it goes further then that with the individual, well then... we'll see. Unlike the mentality presented by 'ladies men,' or wannabe ladies men, I have not lost my faith in a love that will one day come and will not end in a broken heart (save for maybe natural causes resulting from the human condition on this planet earth; in other words, death).
I also do not plan on getting divorced. If I go into a serious relationship where my gut tells me it will only end in divorce, I will refuse to marry them, and I will end it. When I find a serious relationship in which I feel, whether a delusion or not, that it wouldn't end in divorce, I might consider marriage... but more likely, I may prefer simply a perpetual common-law relationship, unless marriage really holds a huge symbolic importance to them. All I know is that I'm at the point at which I won't settle for anything but the best (the best, to me, being someone who will exhaust all avenues before even considering ending it, as well as a few other essential features regarding general compatibility and whatnot), and I realize now that all of my past girlfriends were nowhere near the best. Nowhere near. But then again, who really is at this age? I seem to be the only one I know that takes the 'exhaust all avenues before you end it' philosophy seriously.
Maybe I'll put that philosophy on-hold until I'm 25, unless I find the absolute girl of my dreams.
Erm, you know you claimed that all the people looking for string-free sex are heartbroken, then mentioned that you'd be looking for the same thing?
ReplyDeleteI'd say its more that people who look for string-free (even the "players") are just people content enough in their own company that they don't need an emotional relationship.
Generally heartbroken people can't wait to fall in the arms of someone new to heal their bruised egos.
Most of us aren't blatantly antisocial, and most of us do indeed require emotional relationships of some sort. Does this mean romance? Not necessarily, which is probably why 'players' surround themselves with huge amounts of friends and other sorts of social interaction. Romance is just a concentrated dose.
ReplyDeleteIt's a proven fact that the healthier among us are those that socialize. There is a book (in fact, many books, but I found this one to be the best) written on the matter titled 'Social Intelligence.' If you find you get sick easy, and severely, a large part of it can actually be attributed to a lack of social interaction, which strengthens the immune system.
It's fantastic if an individual is antisocial and enjoys it. They have a right to it. But the largest contributors to human health, both mental and physical, is derived from social interaction and relationships of all sorts... and romance is a big part of it, providing it is a healthy romance.
Of course I wouldn't mind string-free sex! The big reason I wouldn't mind giving friends-with-benefits a try, is because I've never tried it before.. and have heard mixed reviews on it. Some say it works, others say it doesn't. I see both sides of the argument, but would like to draw my own conclusions.
Again, thanks for the slightly off-hand comments.