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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Sleep Deprived in the Midst of the Western World.

Have you ever been exhausted? I mean, truly exhausted. Exhausted to the point that your eyes blur, so you blink, yet like a windshield during a rainstorm they blur again and again and again, so you continue to blink to clear your vision, make the blotches of color crisp and visible shapes of reality, and not simply a series of pixels interpreted by your brain.
I'm talking the exhaustion where you notice things like the grayer spots on poles, or the blotchy metal blob that seems to get more glare than it gives, in contrast to the rest of the pole, that seems to give more glare than it gets.
I'm talking the exhaustion where your dreams become a part of reality, yet not in the sense that they are fulfilled; more in the sense that your chasing them becomes more of a frustration as they both physically and mentally manifest themselves into your waking life. An exhaustion that requires coffee and caffeine, yet eventually the effects of both become blunted to the point that you feel like passing out regardless of your feeling of superficial awareness.

The exhaustion where a road ahead seems like it will stretch into eternity, yet at the same time, you will be safe, silent, and sleeping in your destination before you even know what happened.

An exhaustion within which all is feasible, yet seems improbably possible. 

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The world is meaningless,

there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose.
All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well.
Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself.
Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it.
Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself".
Do not give in to hope.
Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it.
Whatever you do, do it for its own sake.
When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!".
Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own.
Live deliberately. You are free.