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Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Jove, Jesus, and the Ghoul

Thomas remembers the day that the guns finally fell silent in the tightly-packed alleyway next to his apartment block.

The sunset-colored bricks, already a deep orange and red, were now splattered with a dark shade of burgundy like some sort of abstract gallery painting designed to insinuate intellectual oppression.
To the murky-mind of Thomas Lord, this strange piece of true born art hissed like a summer afternoon fever dream, awakened to the blur of an ear-shot migraine.

Ouch.

Every time he would march through the alleyway on his way to catch the early morning bus, his thoughts would begin to wander. They would wander into the open abscess that was the lack of context; the lack of a coherent story as to what really occurred over the course of those 3 tumultuous months between last Snow-flit and Sunrise.

He would begin to wonder about the dead.
Who and what?
What and why?
What and what and what and what and what?
He imagined the chain of events that had led to their incessant battling for the tightly-packed alleyway in his head like a roll of film set ablaze to the horrified panic of the 80 year-old part-time projectionist;

One copy.

One
fucking
copy.

Although a few of the strange men and women Thomas had spotted from his previously bolted window could have passed for everyday street thugs battling for territory and control of some sort of underground drug trade, a majority of them seemed to be of a much higher, and therefore a much stranger standing in the drama-dream situation.

A good chunk of the mysterious street worriers were dressed in casual business-wear, while another good chunk had been dressed like city construction workers.

On this particular morning, Thomas wiped away the condensation from the window next to his seat on the bus with the lower part of his sleeve as he mulled over trivial matters like monthly finances, the current state of the world at large, and his recent withdrawal into reclusiveness following the sudden and unexpected end of the neighborhood hostility.

Gazing like a sad animal through the moving glass box, he began to trace shapes in the slowly redeemed condensation as if he was searching to give form to his headached thoughts and release them like a therapy upon the world of indifference outside.

Incoherent laughter is all he could represent with a faint fever dream hiss.
The window began to leer back at him like his own eyes in a mirror; "Look, I'm just as confused as you are."

Unable to gaze any longer at himself, he ripped himself away and spun suddenly towards the woman sitting behind him.
She noticed him with a quick awkward glance; continued to gaze at herself in the window.

She noticed him again as he did not turn away.

Continued to gaze at herself in the window.

Thomas didn't move. He didn't want to, he didn't have too.

She finally wheeled towards him slowly and looked into his eyes. For 2 minutes they
glared
and
gazed
and
stared
and
waited
for

words?
probably
smiles?
no
connection like an audio jack
finally
she said;
"You too?"

Thomas remained silent. The bus shifted gears as it made a left at 705.

Another 2 minutes of silence before it struck.

"Me too."

The ends of her hair were dyed a darker blonde than the body to the root. The way she glared, with her lips parted restfully, her two front teeth calmly landed like Celtic statue, was like some beautiful piercing child scream giving way to joyous playground laughter.

And she knew.

And she knew Thomas knew.

And her body said, 'wow.'
But her eyes said, "Look, I'm just as confused as you are."

That was enough for a final word, so Thomas turned back to the window, wiping away his fading shapes to erase himself from the moment.

The bus pulled to a stop, letting a group on.
One of the newly arrived passengers scuffled to the back, face in his hands, draped in a torn black and purple business suit.
He kept chanting; "fortheloveofJoveJesusandtheGhoul.. fortheloveofJoveJesusandtheGhoul.. fortheloveofJoveJesusandtheGhoul..

Thomas, almost against his will, felt the pull to enter this mans aura.
As he hauled himself out of his seat to make his way to the back, the woman who was sitting behind him, with the hair dyed a darker blonde at the tip than the body to the root and the calmly landed teeth, grasped his hand and said,
"Wait."

He turned to her for a moment.

With a look of near-death urgency pounding across her face, she said
"Come and see me again before your stop."

She let go.
Thomas didn't reply, and he slinked his way onward to the back of the bus.

The man let out a piercing 'AAAAHHHhhhhhhh...' which faded back into.. 'fortheloveofJoveJesusandtheGhoul..' 

Thomas took his seat next to him.

"S.. sir?"
No reply.
"fortheloveofJoveJesusandtheGhoul..."
"Sir.."
"fortheloveofJoveJesusandtheGhoul"

Thomas waited a few minutes; and then suddenly,
"Yes?"
Eyes clicked and bloodshot, eyeliner now smudged across his cheeks, the man stared at Thomas with a look of rancid distraction.

"I felt the need to speak to you."

"Alright."

He had no idea where he was going with this.
The man began to tilt slowly back to his arm; but before he fully buried himself once again in his purple sleeve, he said; "Look, I'm just as confused as you are."

"fortheloveofJoveJesusandtheGhoul.."

Thomas simply watched him for another moment before he got back up to return to his original seat.
Passing by the woman once again, she grasped his arm and said, "sit next to me."

Looking to gauge her intentions for a moment, he sheepishly acquiesced.
She looked tender and frightened.

Thomas suddenly asked her; "What was the war about?"

She smiled a little and placed her hand softly around his neck.

"It was for the love of Jove, Jesus, and the Ghoul," she said.

Thomas's face, lost and confused, convulsed for a moment about to erupt a sentence before she kissed him on the lips
a long
passionate kiss
knotting tongues
sweet caress along the base of the spine
she pulled away

and said

"Look, I'm just as confused as you are. And I knew that."

Thomas, a little lost to it all, gazed at her for a moment and realized;
"You too?"

she gazed into his eyes with a warm embrace of a smile.

"Me too."

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The world is meaningless,

there is no God or gods, there are no morals, the universe is not moving inexorably towards any higher purpose.
All meaning is man-made, so make your own, and make it well.
Do not treat life as a way to pass the time until you die.
Do not try to "find yourself", you must make yourself.
Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it.
Do not let your life and your values and your actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, "This is who I make myself".
Do not give in to hope.
Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which you imbue it.
Whatever you do, do it for its own sake.
When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, "Fuck You!".
Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own.
Live deliberately. You are free.